cw: drug usage/abuse
i looked both ways down the hall to check if anyone was coming. thankfully every one was asleep or just staying in their rooms. i quietly turned the door knob, pushing the door open slowly, trying to prevent the loud creaking from the old hinges. i slipped in the room, closing the door behind me and turning on the flashlight on my phone. i quickly shone it around the room, sighing in relief once i found that it was indeed empty.
fiona's room had been untouched since her death a few months ago, cordelia didn't want to have to deal with anything more at the moment, after just being pronounced as the new supreme. i tiptoed over to the nightstand next to the bed, slowly sliding the drawer open and shining the light inside, grinning to myself as i saw about a dozen pill bottles. "fuck yeah," i whispered as i took three bottles out of the drawer, shoving the little orange containers into my hoodie pocket. i unscrewed the lid off another, not even bothering to read the label before pouring two of the little white pills into my palm and studying them for a second before throwing my head back and swallowing them. i quietly closed the drawer and noticed a half empty packet of cigarettes on top of the nightstand. i added them to the collection of contraband in my pocket before turning around to leave, and stubbing my toe on the leg of the bed. "FU-" i began to yell before i slapped my hand over my mouth, whining and hissing in pain. "fuck me!" i whisper yelled into the darkness of the room. "fucking stupid ass fucking bed," i muttered as i stumbled away from the bed, trying to keep off my toe that i just injured.
i hobbled across the hardwood floor and back to the door, slowly opening it and peeking my head around, checking to see if the coast was clear. i proceeded to exit the room, quietly latching the door behind me. i turned left to go back to my bedroom, but a voice from behind stopped me. "y/n, what were you doing in fiona's room?" cordelia stood right in the centre of the hallway, where i had just looked. she must have made herself invisible or something. "the fuck did you come from?" i asked after i recovered from the initial fright of her just appearing out of thin air. "language," she reprimanded and furrowed her brows at me. "what are you hiding in your pocket?" she asked as she stepped over to me, reaching for my arm. "nothing," i said as i stepped out of her reach. "y/n," she warned, shooting me her 'mom' look. i wracked my brain for an excuse that i could use that wouldn't arouse her suspicion. whatever pills i had just taken combined with the vodka i had drunk about twenty minutes prior and whatever painkillers and pills i could find in the shared bathroom. "i think i was sleepwalking," i nodded, trying to convince myself just as much as i was trying to convince cordelia. "mhm, sure," she folded her arms across her chest and stared at my face. "are you- have you taken something?" she asked and stepped forward and caught my chin in her hand. my eyes widened as i frantically shook my head. "your pupils are dilated- what," she trailed off and then grabbed my upper arm and pulled me into my bedroom. i sat down on the edge of my bed and she pulled the chair over from my desk, in front of where i was sitting. she sat down with her arms crossed, leaning forward slightly. "empty your pocket," she said firmly. "no." i said. "it's a free country, so that means i don't have to empty my pockets if i don't want to," i said stubbornly, crossing my arms and mimicking cordelia's position. "really?" she raised her eyebrows before sighing and getting up from the chair. she stood in front of me and held out her hand. "if you don't give whatever it is you stole from my mothers bedroom, i'll just have to make you give it to me." i looked at her, contemplating if i should just give it to her. regaining eye contact, i slowly reached into my pocket and wrapped my hand around one of the pill bottles. "good girl," she praised as she took them into her hand. run. something in my head told me. "now give me the rest." "no."
i turned and ran out of the room, down the hall and down the stairs, and out the front door. i don't even know why i ran. i think i just didn't want to have to deal with cordelia. probably because she had this way of making me open up to her, tell her everything that was going on inside my head, and i didn't want to tell her. i didn't want to tell her how i had been feeling lately. i didn't want to put that burden on her, she already had enough to deal with, running the whole coven, taking care of all the girls, being the supreme. not to mention she had to deal with all her personal stuff.
i ended up at my favourite place, a park on the edge of town, sitting on the bench below my favourite tree. i stared at the grass under my scuffed up shoes.
a second later, cordelia appeared next to me. "fuck!" i screeched and my hand flew up to my chest. "don't do that," i mumbled as i regained composure. she sat next to me, placing a gentle hand on my back. "how did you know that i would be here?" i asked. "y/n, i am the supreme. i knew that you would come here before you knew that you were going to come here." she wrapped her arm around my shoulders and pulled me into her side. "are you going to tell me what's going on?" i just shrugged and leaned my head into the crook of her neck. "that's ok sweetheart. we can stay like this as long as you need," she whispered to me. "i just- i haven't been feeling like myself lately," i whispered. cordelia nodded her head, encouraging me to go on. "i'm not interested in anything i used to be interested in, and i don't just don't feel any emotions, good or bad. i feel like me has been taken out of my body and just a shell of me is left. that's the best i can explain it." cordelia nodded as she listened to what i was saying. "i understand, sweetheart. everyone has felt like that at some point in there life, even me." i looked up at her. "i'm sorry." "it's alright, sweetheart. i'm better now," she said as she squeezed my shoulder. i nodded my head and rested on her shoulder. "you- you know you can talk to me, right?" cordelia asks me. "of course i do," i sighed before continuing. "sometimes... im scared of what you'll think of me, if i tell you everything that i'm thinking," i confess. "honey," she pulls back and looks at me. "look at me," she demands and i comply. "i will never think bad of you, okay? i love you sweetheart, and i am here for you. i will never judge you, or think badly of you, okay?" she holds my chin in her hand. i nod. "thank you," i whisper and tears burn in my eyes. "oh, sweetie, come here," she pulls me in and holds me tightly.
a/n soz for disappearing for a while... if anyone cares
