a/n: this is kind of inspired by that one episode of grey's anatomy :)
I held my breath and slowly slid down, under the water, looking up through the clear wavering water at the ceiling above me. It was like I was not existing. It was just my naked body at the bottom of the bathtub. My body is empty, there's not actually a person in it, it's just an empty body. No feelings, no thoughts, no sounds, no movements.
I suddenly saw Lana's face over the water. I felt her strong arms pull me out of the water and onto the bath mat on the floor.
"What the hell are you doing?" She yelled with concern as she frantically pulled me out. She tapped the side of my face to try to get me to respond.
"Y/n! Answer me!" I just stared straight ahead and Lana cupped my cheeks in her hands. I slowly shifted my eyes to her dark brown ones.
"What the hell were you doing? Were you trying to drown yourself?" She stumbled over her words as she tried to position my face to look at hers. "N-no," I stuttered and coughed a little.
"What the hell were you doing then? You need to tell me, y/n," Lana asked desperately as she grabbed a towel and wrapped it around my shaking body. She pulled me into a tight embrace, scared to let me go lest I try to run.
"It was too loud," I whispered as I pointed at my head. "The voices. They kept talking and yelling and telling me to do lots of bad things. So I wanted to make them be quiet."
"I'm sorry baby. You should have come and gotten me," Lana told me as she swept the wet hair away from my face with a gentle brush of her slender fingers.
"I'm sorry," I whispered as a tear dropped down my cheek. "No, no honey, you don't need to be sorry. You can't help it. Okay?" I nodded softly and leant my head on Lana's chest. "Wha-what did they say?" Lana asked hesitantly as she softly stroked my dripping hair.
"Th-they said that you don't love me, that you're only pretending and that you don't care about me. They told me that I should hurt myself because I deserve to hurt," I sniffled and cuddled closer to my girlfriend.
"I love you. I love you so much, y/n, and I will never stop loving you, even if the voices tell you that. I love you," Lana reassured. "I know. I love you, Lana."
"Do you think it might be time for you to see someone? To tell them about the voices? Like a doctor?" Lana pulled away so that she could see my face. I shook my head frantically. "No. I don't want to. They don't make
me better. I've been to see doctors before but they were useless. And you know that I can't say the things that are inside my head," I told her. "I can't put my feelings into words."
"I know, sweetheart, but I think you need to get help. You could go and see a nice doctor who can give you some medicine to make the voices and the bad thoughts go away. Will you please think about it for me?" She asked and got up from the floor, reaching her hand out to help me up. I looked up at her and nodded before taking her hand.
"I'll think about it," I said as Lana helped up from the ground. I wrapped the towel tighter around me as Lana pulled the plug from the tub, watching the water rushing down the drain. I picked up my toothbrush and toothpaste and started brushing my teeth. Lana stood watching as the water gurgled down the drain. I spat the toothpaste out and rinsed my mouth, and wiped the foam away from my mouth with the corner of the towel.
"Lana?" I asked as she remained standing staring at the tub. "Are you okay?" She just nodded quickly and turned around to face me. "You go get into your pyjamas and hop into bed, I'll be in in a minute," my girlfriend instructed. I complied, walking to the bedroom and getting into some shorts and a tank top before climbing into bed and under the covers.
I could hear Lana brushing her teeth and washing her face before she came into the bedroom and changed into her pyjamas before climbing into bed next to me. I turned towards her, snuggling into her side and she ran her fingers gently through my damp hair. "I'll go," I said. "What?" She asked as she stopped stroking my hair. "I'll go see someone," I told her as I wrapped my arm around her waist. "Thank you," she whispered into my ear and placed a gentle kiss on my temple. "I love you," she said as she leaned over for a kiss. "I love you too," I placed my lips on hers and we kissed. "Goodnight." "Goodnight, my love."
