Wot In The Harri Potter?

52 - The Odd Couple

"I promise you we'll see each other again soon," Fred murmurs ardently against my ear.

I try and smile but my heart isn't in it. I wish he could stay, but I know we must both get on with our separate roles this war has given us.

I need to put all my concentration into our plan to destroy the Horcruxes, and Fred needs to go and help support the Order. It's a means to an end, and without that end we cannot even contemplate starting our life together.

"I love you," I whisper as we both say goodbye on the doorstep.

"I love you too, Harri," Fred says, cupping my face in his hands. "My beautiful fiancee."

He kisses me in a sweet yet breathtaking way. I sigh against him, wanting this moment to last forever.

But it is sadly over too soon and I lean against the doorframe watching him walk away to the edges of the enchantments with his family and Mr Ollivander, his kiss still tingling on my lips.

"Goodbye, Fred," I whisper as he turns around and vanishes into thin air, the crooked smile on his lips the last thing I see.

*****

When Hermione walks into the kitchen looking like Bellatrix, it takes everything inside of me not to storm across the room and slap her.

"Bloody hell," Ron breathes as he leans against the sink, stroking his newly grown goatee, "I forgot how hot Bellatrix is."

A look of hurt instantly flickers over Bellatrix's face and I smack Ron's arm - hard.

"She is literally an evil cold hearted witch who kills and tortures everyone we know and love!" I seethe.

"Still," Ron shrugs unapologetically as he continues to stroke his beard, "boys like a bad girl as much as the other way around."

Hermione - as Bellatrix - seems to suddenly right herself. "I can be bad," she says, sounding very un-Hermione-like, "would you like me to be bad, Ronald? Or should I call you Dragomir?"

Ron's eyes instantly light up as Hermione slinks towards him across the kitchen, stumbling slightly in her high heeled boots so that she has to steady herself against one of the kitchen chairs.

Ugh. I do not want to be a witness to this sick role play game. Don't they know there is a war going on?!

Next to me, Griphook tuts, clearly as sickened by this disturbing display as I am.

"How long will this batch last?" Ron asks me as we make our way out of Shell Cottage towards the edge of the enchantments. "I mean, do you think there might be time for-"

"For fuck's sake Ron!" I hiss, trying not to wince as Griphook digs his claws into my shoulders from where he is piggy backing on my back. "We don't have time for you to play out your sick fantasies - we need to get this Horcrux!"

I am moody. It has been almost a month since the night Fred came round and proposed - a month of planning this dangerous excursion only for Ron to try and spoil it with his horny cock.

"But she doesn't seem to want to have sex with me when we are just us!" Ron complains, still stroking his goatee. "Just now in the kitchen was the first time I saw that look in her eye - the look that she used to give Krum."

"Oh, what's that about Viktor?" Hermione calls out behind us, struggling to keep up in Bellatrix's get up.

"I was talking about the mess my morning toast makes!" Ron snaps. "Crumbs every bloody where!"

I roll my eyes, thankful when we finally reach the place we can Apparate from.

Being back in Diagon Alley is surreal. My face is on wanted posters literally everywhere - even in Fred and George's derelict shop windows.