05. How to Win Friends and Influence Monsters

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"The Jersey Devil?" Bobby commented. "I thought that was just local tall-tale crap."

"The area's history of sightings goes back more than two centuries. Some accounts gave it bat wings, others horns, a... a tail." He showed Bobby and Gabby another print-out.

KNOWLEDGE FOR A[LL?]

APPARITIONS CREATURES CROP CIRCLESALIENS

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JERSEY DEVIL SIGHTED AGAIN!

Dr. Kara Schwandt PhD.

Science Journal Report Article

The Jersey Devil is a legendary creature or cryptic said to inhabit the Pine Barrens of Southern New Jersey. The creature is often described as a flying biped with hooves, bu there are many variations.

To date, the most raucous reports of the Jersey Devil was [sic] in 1909 where hundred [sic] of people had testified to the sightings.

There had been many sightings of the creature since 1909. Recently a farmer in Jersey had reported disturbances and killing of his livestock. [etc]

"And, uh, oh yeah, a horse's head," Sam added, showing Bobby and Gabby another print-out.

Allie grimaced. "That's profoundly disturbing."

OPEN MINDS

DEEPER KNOWLEDGE

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JERSEY DEVIL SPOTTED IN WOODS

There was a short, indistinct article and a drawing of a winged creature with a horse's head standing on two legs.

"Of course, the sketch looks more like a Chewbacca head," Dean commented.

Gabby frowned. "Sounds kinda mixed up."

"Yeah, kind of like it should be fighting a Japanese robot."

"Well, mixed up or not, it sounds like it might just have a body count," Sam said, passing Bobby, Allie and Gabby a newspaper article.

Bobby read the article. ""Camping high season hashed by human burrito"?"

"Yeah. Something hung a camper up in a tree, then ate him alive right through his sleeping bag. His wife hasn't been seen, either. Plus, there have been four other missing persons reported in the last three weeks. State troopers -- get this -- are saying it's a rogue bear."

"Yeah, of course, when was the last time you saw a bear string up its own piñata?" Dean questioned.

"Something's out there in the woods," Bobby replied. "Hey, we're going honest to goodness wilderness hunting. I haven't used my .30-30 in awhile."

"Okay, Davey Crockett, well, safari's gonna have to wait till tomorrow and after our suit-and-tie dance," Dean told him. "We'll make sure this is not just some backwoods crackhead who likes to roll glampers."

"What the hell's a glamper?"

"Sam?"

"High-end camper," Sam explained. "TV. A.C., Wi-Fi. Back to the nature, zero inconvenience."

"That's idiotic," Bobby said.

"Yeah. Some people just don't know how to live."

EXT. BIGGERSON'S SIZZLIN' GRILL & BAR - DAY

INT. BIGGERSON'S SIZZLIN' GRILL & BAR - DAY

A poster on the wall advertised the new, limited time only "Pepperjack Turducken Slammer" from $4.99.

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