Papa Comforts

Absolution (Papa Emeritus III and Cardinal Copia help the reader with Anxiety)

I felt particularly anxious that day, the coldness of the Abbey that I quite enjoyed was replaced with a strange, warm feeling. Not the good kind, almost too warm. I had the familiar heavy feeling in my chest, but I decided to ignore it and head out to mass anyway, I couldn't miss another, I already missed out last night.

As I walked down the Abbey halls to mass, twiddling my thumbs with anxiety, I nodded graciously to all the sisters I passed, thinking if I faked being okay, I would be. Unfortunately, it doesn't work like that. Since I was early, I found a seat in the row closest to the front, sitting down next to an eager sister who was already there. Other siblings began to make their way in, mass was particularly full that day, crowded almost, I had sisters either side, our thighs touching uncomfortably as everyone tried to squeeze into the pews.

The ghouls began to make their way in and stood behind the altar as they always do, Papa Emeritus III and Cardinal Copia followed shortly after. Papa approached the altar and began his nightly sermon. I listened for about 5 minutes when a wave of nausea hit me. A warm rush through my body made me widen my eyes. Satanas not now. For the rest of the sermon, I had to stare at the stone floor and put all my focus into not throwing up on the floor in front of me, I felt terribly ignorant for ignoring Papa but I just couldn't look up. My chest felt heavy and tight, my heart beating incredibly fast and a lump formed in my throat. The room seemed to be spinning, everything around me becoming a blur.

Before I knew it mass was over and all the siblings who attended started filtering out of the doors, chatting about everything Papa had just said. I sat there, still, quiet, not able to get up, scared stiff. I worried that someone would notice but my body just wouldn't let me move. I felt a gentle hand on my shoulder, turned my head slightly, wide-eyed, it was the Cardinal. "I-I'm sorry Cardinal, I'll make my way back to my bedroom in a moment" I told him. "Sorella, are you okay?" He asked, "You had your head down for the entirety of mass and now you're sitting there, stiff as a board". I decided to try and stand, hoping my legs would take my outside for some fresh air, alas, an intense wave of nausea and dizziness struck me. Papa rushed over and grabbed my arm, steadying me "Cara, you look pale, sit" he gestured to the pew, and I sat. The Cardinal signalled for one of the ghouls to come over, Aether hurried over, a look of concern and confusion evident in his eyes behind the mask. "Would you be so kind as to go get a glass of water?" the Cardinal said. With that command, Aether rushed to fetch some water.

"I'm sorry, I'm okay, really" I said, still staring at the stone flooring. "If you're sick Cara, we can take you to the infirmary" Papa assured. "No. It's not that kind of illness..." I replied, "It's in my-my head."

The Cardinal gave Papa a look of concern. Aether returned with the glass of water and handed it to me, it was ice cold, exactly what I needed when my head felt like it was on fire. The Cardinal took off his glove and placed his bare hand on my chest, "Cara, your heart is beating out of your chest, what is troubling you?"

"It's just some anxiety Cardinal, I will be fine, you and Papa should leave me, you must be busy" I replied. "Tesoro, we are never too busy for you" Papa assured me. "Also, I don't think it's just anxiety Cara, you're as white as a ghost, eh?" the Cardinal added. Warm tears trickled down my face, the kind of tears you just can't stop, tear after tear landing on my lap. Papa placed his pointer finger under my chin, moving my head so my eyes meet his "Tesoro, talk to us, we're here to help".

"I keep getting horrible nausea and dizziness when my anxiety gets bad, it's-it's just so hard to get out, every time I need to leave my room, I feel nauseated and I don't know what to do anymore" I sobbed. The Cardinal sat to my right and Papa sat to my left, both close enough to feel their warmth, this eased my anxiety somewhat. The Cardinal put his hands on the small of my back, rubbing gentle circles as I sobbed. "How long has this been happening?" the Cardinal enquired. "I've had anxiety for years, but the nausea and dizziness has been a more recent thing, a couple of months maybe?" I answered. "Tesoro, I wasn't going to say anything but I've not seen you in the dining hall recently either, how have you been eating?" Papa asked. "Barely Papa. My appetite is practically nothing at this point" I confessed. The Cardinal looked at me, eyes full of concern but managed to show me a comforting smile. We sat in silence for a couple of minutes, both Papa and the Cardinal urging me to take small sips of water.

"Okay, Tesoro, you're still looking very pale, I think we should get you back to your room, sì?" Papa suggested. I nodded reluctantly. Papa took my left side, and the Cardinal took my right, holding me up as we walked through the Abbey halls. Realising how far my quarters were, Papa suggested we take a rest stop at his office nearby, we entered his office, it was dimly lit with candles and the fire was still going, only just. They laid me on the deep-red sofa that sat near the window. "Here, take this Cara" the cardinal said as he gently handed me a knitted blanket. I wasn't cold but blankets brought me comfort, so it was very much welcomed.

The Cardinal took a seat directly next to me in an armchair, he softly grabbed my hand and began rubbing his thumb in circles, it was comforting. "You must be tired after enduring all of this Cara, don't be afraid to fall asleep." He told me. "Cardinal, the nausea is just so overwhelming, and I can't seem to shake it. I know it's in my head, but I don't know how to get rid of it" I said, tears slowly rolling down my cheek again.

Papa walked over and knelt beside me, he placed his hand softly on my face and began to wipe the tears. "Tesoro, we're here now. Have you eaten at all today?" he enquired with a soft tone. "No Papa, I-I couldn't leave my room, the feeling in my chest was just too persistent" I replied. "How about we get you something to eat? Then you can sleep here, we will both be here all night, I promise Cara" he insisted. I nodded shyly, feeling embarrassed that my Papa had to make sure I was eating. I couldn't even look after myself. Lucifer, I couldn't even eat properly, I was a mess.

Papa swiftly left to get some food, noticing how late it was while the Cardinal stayed by my side. It wasn't long before Papa was back, I must have nodded off at least a little bit because I remember nothing from when he left to when he returned. He walked into the room with a small plate in his hands "Okay Tesoro, I got you some toast, only a few slices, if you haven't eaten all day we don't want anything too heavy, we don't want to upset your stomach, sì?" It was unusual to see this soft side of Papa, normally every other sentence was some sort of sexual innuendo but I was grateful for his father-like behaviour in these moments. He handed me the toast which I gratefully accepted, "Thank you Papa." I began eating the toast, savouring every mouthful of this simple dish my own Papa had prepared for me while the Cardinal was sat nearby urging me not to eat too quickly.

After finishing my food, I felt exhausted beyond measure. All the anxiety and weeks of not eating properly had finally caught up to me. I yawned, feeling my eyes droop from my tiredness. "You look tired Cara, you should get some sleep, eh?" the Cardinal remarked as he began running his hands through my hair. "Yes Tesoro, sleep now, we'll be here in the morning" Papa told me. I wasn't going to argue "Goodnight Papa, Goodnight Cardinal. Thank you"

"Goodnight Tesoro" Papa said softly.

"Goodnight Cara, sweet dreams" the Cardinal whispered.

I immediately let sleep envelop me, hoping that I would wake up to better days.