Blame It All on Me. Part 1

Chapter 18. One Step Forward

Arina shivered involuntarily. In that case, she had better luck...

But still, what was this light about then?..

Arina clasped her head, feeling the familiar pressure again. She should really stop straining her memory... How many times she had tried – it was useless. If it is destined, it will pop up by itself, sooner or later...

Calming down a little, she sat for a while, staring at the village spreading out in front of her. And even though she tried her best not to think about Kakashi, she couldn't help but remember that girl who hugged him so easily.

So this is how it turns out...

But what did she expect, anyways? She was the one to blame for pushing him away, but stubbornness and pride would never allow her to suddenly start fighting for him after discovering a rival. She had a chance, and she missed it. Just as Hiruzen had warned. Besides, who was she, and who was that girl? Both of them belonged to the elite – only the Hokage himself and a handful of people ranked higher than the Anbu in Konoha. This is who truly was his equal, not her, Arina, with whom he could only be out of pity for her situation... And even then – only while she was still young and relatively good-looking... Why else would anyone want her anyway? Even though she worked for the Hokage himself, she was still a nobody here. Just passing by...

Arina smiled bitterly.

Funny, but she still hadn't even seen his face... But at the same time, she could not get him out of her mind, as if it was some kind of obsession, and he was the reason of her endless self-torture... How was that even possible?.. And could it have been otherwise, if he had shown her his face?

If she ever considered that Kakashi was hiding some flaw under the mask, it wasn't for long. He behaved too playfully in this regard. It was as if this was his trump card, and he was deftly bluffing, faking modesty. In addition, the tight-fitting mask could hardly hide the fact that his facial features were perfectly normal... And their kisses, which allowed Arina to study his face thoroughly and even get a glimpse of some of the hidden areas, although still not seeing him completely, finally dispelled all remaining doubts.

But even Hiruzen, when she ventured to ask at some point – oh, how many meaningful winks she had to endure after that! – couldn't explain why Kakashi was hiding his face so persistently. One of the few, he knew exactly what Kakashi looked like without the mask, but he pointedly refrained from commenting, partly punishing the girl for her stubbornness, partly – apparently, respecting Kakashi's choice.

Having been in this world long enough by now, Arina could assume that it was some kind of vow or, perhaps, a clan tradition, but Hiruzen knew nothing about this, though he confirmed that Kakashi had been wearing the mask since childhood – unlike his parents, in fact.

Kakashi was not the only ninja who kept his face hidden, however, there was no general practice for such clothing style for ninjas. And in his case, in addition, whether he hid it or not – his fame was ahead of him anyway. He was often recognized exactly by this very mask, together with the distinctive spiky silver hair, which turned out to be not that common in this world after all. And if that didn't help – the mismatching eyes and the striking scar usually swept away any remaining doubts from the knowledgeable regarding who exactly they were dealing with.

Hiruzen did tell a little about the Sharingan, in fact, but ended up only puzzling the girl more with the vagueness of his explanation. Once again, he did not consider himself entitled to share with her the whole complicated story of how exactly the Sharingan ended up with Kakashi. And when Arina began to ask too many questions, he sent her, in a rather grumpy way, to the main person involved in the story, instantly cooling her curiosity.

But still – could it have been different if Kakashi had shown her his face?.. Or would that not have had any influence? Apparently, she won't find out. And since he was finally able to move on, she could only be happy for him. And she had one reason less to stay here. That is, in fact, there were no reasons at all anymore.

But what if, having died here, she could get back to her world?

This thought that once flashed somewhere in the back of her consciousness suddenly completely took over. After all, the specialists who were trying to fix her situation believed, in fact, that it could indeed have been an exchange of souls – or 'essences', as they called it here... And what if she was in a coma all this time? What was keeping her here, after all? As she had already decided, nothing. So, she might as well test it...

Rising abruptly and seemingly forgetting about her fear of heights, Arina stepped to the edge of the cliff.

A small stone rolled from under her foot, slowly, as if somewhat lazily, went over the edge and flew down. The girl swallowed and backed away, exhaled convulsively.

There was nothing to fear, she tried reassuring herself: just one step forward and that was it – all her torments would end in that very moment. The only thing... Arina looked doubtfully at the village.

☙ ❦ ❧

The cliff was not inferior in height to the Hokage Rock, but it was on the other side of the ridge, the base disappearing into the impenetrable wilds of the untouched forest surrounding it. Arina stood at the edge for a while, deliberately not looking down – she looked ahead and up at the horizon, where it was already visible how night was beginning to fall.

One big step forward and that's it...

It was a pity that she would never be able to touch him again... That she hadn't dared when they met by the Hokage's office...

"Goodbye, Kakashi..." she whispered.

One big step forward – just like before entering the open water. She wasn't afraid of the depth, so why should she be afraid of heights?..

Arina closed her eyes. And took that step.

It seemed to her at that moment that she was called by her name. That Kakashi called out to her. However, she wasn't sure if she wasn't wishful thinking. In any case, it didn't matter anymore.

There was no pain. Oddly enough, no fear too. Only the sound of the wind and the feeling of weightlessness and the stomach sinking. And then consciousness mercifully left her.

Emerging from nowhere, she vanished into nothingness.