𝐓.𝐇.𝐄

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟑𝟔

The palace coldness runs through my skin scattering shivers as I walk towards my room. I cover my body with my pale arms, trying to warm myself up, despite being an impossible action as I manage to be cold in summer, as well.

I move my feet quickly inside the room and, as I shut the door, I lay on it leaving a deep breath out of my chest. I have just realised I have been holding my breath for the whole time since I left his room.

Closing my eyes, I let my emotions take over. Deep frustrating tears fall on my cheeks, and all I can think about is how I let my emotions control me, failing the whole plan. Now he has lost trust in me and it will be impossible to reconquer it.

Nevertheless, I regret no word that left my mouth, and I would yell everything to his pale and devil face again and again, till I have no more voice left. As I picture the whole scene in my head, his shocked expression appears right away as if my words touched a part inside him.

But why would he be? He has demonstrated several times to be careless, almost soulless, showing no emotion except anger and hate.

My mind is a whirlwind of emotions now, and regret and doubt mingle with the remnants of my anger. A part of me wonders if I have been too harsh or instinctive, but the feeling of being trapped here forever took over my mind, leaving no space to rationality.

The idea of escaping from this place crosses my mind. However, I know well enough it is a suicidal action. I shake my head, as to chase off all the thoughts away. "I should have just stayed silent." I repeat to myself couple of times ass the guilt burns inside of me.

Soon the optimistic side debates, "I did the right thing to speak up my mind. Someone had to say it at some point."

Why does that someone always has to be me?

I wipe my tears away with my cold hands, and head to bed careless about changing in my pajamas or brushing my teeth.

All I can think about is I didn't want my Christmas to go this way.

*

A blinding light forces my eyes to open. I stretch my body and look around the room as a lost soul. I barely remember I fell asleep. 

As I look at the timing, I jump. "OMG-" I gasp as I start running towards the kitchen. "Now it's the right time he'll kill me." 

Apparently, I forgot to put my alarm to get the breakfast ready for the Lord. 

Not that he deserves it, however, I must respect my duties no matter what.

With the last energy I have in my body, I prepare eggs and cold coffee, with some vegetables and toasted bread ready, and start walking to his room.

"Wow, Mary would be so proud of me right now." I say to myself, as I run with the trolley.

While walking (running) to his room, memories of yesterday cross my mind. I literally had the worst Christmas Day ever, thanks to him. If I could turn back in time, I would have spent it by myself. 

I take a deep breath, and knock at the door. "Don't be scared, don't be scared, don't be-"

The door opens and I stop breathing. 

A miserable, pale half-naked man appears in front me, and it takes me couple of seconds to realise it is the Lord. Well, James.

"Oh, sorry. I thought you were awake, but I can come later-"

"I've been awake since yesterday." He stops my words with a rough and low voice.

His dark eyes meet mine, and I can not notice his deep dark wrinkles that surround his eyes. He definitely hasn't slept al all.

"May I ask why?" 

Before answering, he gives me a surprised look, "why? You are really asking me this question?"

Confused by his question, I furrow my eyebrows. "Y-yes." I answer, trembling.

"Pff." He fakes a mad smile and looks at me with desolution. Why do I feel like I'm always the problem for him?

"I don't understand, could you tell why do I always end up being the only one to make you so mad? Am I the problem for you?" I ask, frustrated and exhausted about everything. 

I don't think I can bare any mistreatment from him anymore. 

Surprised by my question, he shifts his mad look into a charming one. "No, how could you ever be the problem." 

"Then please explain to me why you always seem so angry and mad with me for no reason. Because I'm starting to feel exhausted of your words, and mistreatments." I confess. 

He takes a step back at my words, and his eyes shines they meet mine. 

"I want to apologise for yesterday. I haven't closed my eyes all night. I couldn't stop thinking of you. Your angelic image in that red dress was, and still is, impressed in my mind. I'm sorry I ruined everything, it wasn't my intention." He takes a deep breath before continuing, "I would like you to give me a chance to make it up."

He couldn't sleep because of me? How can someone like him even think of me?

"Ehm, I don't know if that's a good idea." I answer, looking at my feet.

"Please. I'm begging you to give me a second chance." He gets close to me, but I back up.

Yesterday was too much for me to bare. His words are still impressed in my mind, and I cannot get rid of his mad evil look as he pronounced them.

"Why? Give me a valid reason why I should stay close to you ever again."

As he touches my cheeks, fire starts to burn my whole body. "Because you are my previous."