𝐓.𝐇.𝐄

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟑𝟑

The snow hits the ground delicately, leaving its white stellar printing. As I admire its elegance of leaving the sky, I can't resist but feel jealous about its fate. I would do anything to take its place and leave this place gently and painlessly.

But we all know this is not possible. My life is locked here. It is destined to be here. However, some hope still pulses in me, whispering me to go and find the key to my freedom; but the more I try, the more it seems impossible.

After hearing Lucy's words, I can feel everything but happiness and hope. Every positive energy that started to feed my body has abandoned, substituting with anger, fear and dreadfulness.

I walk back and forth scratching my palms aggressively. Several thoughts cross my mind, but none seems to be rational. What can I ever do to find out what are the many family's secrets? And how can I possibly find do it through James? He has shown to be the most difficult human being to talk to and comprehend, therefore, it will be impossible to receive any kind of information from him.

As I keep scratching every single piece of skin on my palms, memories of earlier cross my mind. Even if for a small amount of time, he has shown to have some vulnerability when discussing about family and beloved ones. Maybe he has lost someone he loved, or something happened that made him become so cold and alienated from his family.

Most importantly, why does his own family fear him?

An idea pops in my mind, as these thoughts pull out. What if I start being compassionate and persuasive towards him? He has shown to fall for my actions and words. I may be able to make him trust me enough to open up and find out secrets nobody knows.

As I leave the room, I take deep breaths and loose myself into the acting character.

...

Anxiety starts to fill my body, and my heart starts loosing its beating control. Suddenly, my brain screams at me to go back, that this is a suicidal act. But my legs keep walking with not a slide of intention to go back.

As my aunt used to tell me, "when you don't know what to do, choose what your heart whispers you to do. The mind can fool you into not doing something because it is too risky for its own survival system, but the heart always looks beyond the challenge."

I have never given too much importance to her quote until now. And it has never been more true.
Once I reach his door again, I compose myself and take a deep breath before giving three knocks at the door.

All I can hear are my rapid breaths and my foot tipping on the ground impatiently. I knock again, but nothing seems to change.

"I'll count to three, and I'll try to open the door." I say to myself.

"One.." I whisper, with my right hand on the door handle.

"Two.." Drops of sweating fall on my cheeks.

"Thr-"

"You'd better explain yourself." A deep voice behind me stops my action.

I turn around, and I wish I haven't done it soo fast. As if my heart wasn't already suffering because of anxiety, now it is suffocating from this unprepared view.

His sweat and tonic body stands right in front of me. With bandages on his hands, he moves his wet dark hair from his front head. From his black gym shorts, I can tell he was training, and pretty hard. His veins are popping out of his pale skin and darker than I have ever seen.

"I- I wanted to talk to you." I mentally slap myself because of the unpredicted trembling voice.

"By sneaking in my private room." He states with his jaw tightened.

"No! I would never. I knocked at the door a couple of times and, as I started to feel worried, I wanted to check if you were okay." That sounded pretty credible. Maybe a more dramatic tone of voice could be improved.

"Worried? Why would you be worried about me." He smirks, shaking his head to move his hair as it falls down.

"Because.." I take a pose as I start panicking, "I just wanted to apologize for what I said before. I should have never have said those words. I know nothing about you, therefore, it gives me no right to talk to you like that." I split out as fast as I can, not to let him notice my contradictory expression.

He opens his mouth to say something, but closes it right away. Instead, he keeps staring at me with his now relaxed eyes. Did my words work?

"Shall we start this special day over?" He opens his door room for me.

Stuttered, I find myself lost in his beautiful smile. It didn't last much, but for a couple of seconds I could glimpse some affection in his little and spontaneous smile.

As he acknowledges his action, it fades away completely.

"After you." I don't make him repeat himself and I force my legs to walk in.

Surprisingly, no curtain is being an obstacle to the white snowy light that penetrates through the big windows. For the very first time, I am allowed in his private room. A huge bedroom is placed at the right side of the room, covered by soft and velvety white sheets. My eyes have never seen cleaner and shiner sheets; i wonder what material it is made to be this unique.

As my eyes move around, small marble black night tables are located in both sides of the bed, each with crystal enlightening bulb attached on the wall. Upper the bed there is a huge black poster with black chaotic sketches painted on it. The more I try to depict something from it, the less readable it is. It reminds me of the paintings I have seen for the very first time up here.

Did he make them?

I take some steps forward, opening up to another huge room on the left side. A luxurious and enormous bathroom appears with an oval bath placed in the center, contrasting with the black marble ground. Everything around me is extremely shiny and elegant. As if it wasn't enough, on the corner there is hidden a cabinet with all his suits and ties.

"Wow". I whisper, in shock.

Too busy admiring the luxury in front of me, I forgot about his presence behind me, "do you like it?"

His voice provokes shivers all over my body. "I.. I love it!" I exclaim, still with my eyes lost in it. I have always liked to have a marble bathroom with such a huge enlightens mirror and crystal chandelier on my roof.

"This is truly and unbelievably- oh gosh, there are no words to describe it."

A little laugh falls out of his lips, moving my attention to him. This time his smile is right there, with no intention of leaving his rosy lips.

All of sudden, he leans towards my face, standing closer than he should, "I will take a shower. In the meantime, finish your tour and don't run away." He whispers in my ear, leaving me petrified.

That smile and voice made me forget the main reason why I was here. It made me loose my mind and thoughts. I close my eyes, taking a few breaths, and trying to reorder my thoughts and plan, but nothing seems to be on place.

I guess I will just let my mind improvise.