Chiara Rose

dodici

"7 months." Carlo butts in before I can respond, "She's seven months clean." Carlo finishes. And for that, I'm thankful. I honestly don't think I'd be able to elaborate on them without crying, ugly crying to make it worse. I don't think they need to see a mentally unstable Chiara with snot running down her face tonight, we'll save that for when they know me a bit better.

"Okay, okay." Gi says, sucking in another breath. There's another question he wants to ask, I can hear him thinking about it. He's just trying to build up the courage to actually say the words, to let it sink in that it's actually a possibility.

"I just have one more big question, Chiara, is that okay?" There we go. He's gonna drop the r-word on us, and it's gonna become real that his little baby sister isn't as innocent as he thinks she is. Perhaps those words carved into my back are somewhat accurate. I manage out a small nod, small enough that Gi sees it.

"Were you ever raped?" Wow. Okay. I honestly thought he was going to beat around the bush a little bit, maybe ask if I was ever touched inappropriately before dropping the r-word. But he went for it, and full props to him for doing it.

Then I nod in response, not having the heart to use my voice out of fear it'll crack or do something embarrassing. And followed shortly after my nod another choked breath is sucked in from behind me, and a choked sob comes from beside me. The sob makes me pop my head up, and I find Carlo sitting beside my furiously rubbing at his nose, his eyes slightly glassy.

"Oh, I'm sorry." I choke out, feeling a sudden rush of emotions. I didn't think that what happened to me would make them feel sad, I honestly just thought they'd get mad at get rid of me. I don't know why the thought of them being sad never crossed my mind.

Carlo catches me successfully when I throw myself into his arms, and within seconds he's wrapped his arms around me and is holding me in a warm embrace. Which is weird. I'm not used to affection like this. And I'm confused when tears start running down my face.

"Chiara, look at me sweetheart," Gi says softly, his voice sounding close to my right. I don't make a move to look at him, but when a hand gently moves my face out of Carlo's shoulder, I don't stop them.

"Absolutely none of this is your fault, bambina. You don't have anything you need to apologise for, you hear me." Gi says softly but somewhat sternly.

Whilst technically I do hear what he says, the sound waves travel from his mouth to my ears, I don't really hear them. His words are overpowered by the impending sense of self-doubt in my head. Maybe if I had done one thing differently, been a better daughter, then they wouldn't have treated me like this.

I briefly nod my head in response, which causes Gi's brows to furrow. "You don't believe me, do you." He says, and the way my nose scrunches gives me away. I don't believe him whatsoever, Mum and John's words are still engraved in my brain. And I guess on my back too.

"That's okay, we can talk about it another time." Gi sighs, standing up straight and stretching his arms. He briefly looks away from me, and when he looks back a more determined look is on his face.

"So we've probably got a pack of elephants waiting outside your door, waiting to hear what's happened in here. What would you like to do about them? You don't have to tell them anything, or you can, or you can get someone else to." Gi asks softly, causing my lips to lift slightly. A pack of elephants, I wouldn't have ever used that metaphor for them but now I've heard it, I can't unsee it.

"Would you be able to tell them?" I ask softly, resting my head back on Carlo's shoulder.

"Of course, I can. Do you need anything else from me? Otherwise, I'll go do it now." Gi asks, directing his attention to me. I scrunch my nose in thought, what else could I possibly want from him? If anything, I just want to be alone.