The Darling Diaries

Wonderwall

"You guys are dating?!" Vanity exclaimed in excitement.

"Yeah, I guess so," I said noncommittally.

"What happened to that whole vow of dying alone that you were so hell bent on fulfilling?" Eden asked.

"What happened to you guys being hell bent on getting me a boyfriend? Now that I finally have one... God, that's weird, but now that I finally have one, you guys are acting like it's a bad thing!" I argued.

"Of course it's not a bad thing, it's a great thing, but what changed your mind?!" Monet inquired.

"Well, Robert is a really good guy, and just because I'm dating him doesn't mean that I have to make a life long committment to him or fall in love or anything else that completely scares me. Now, get out of my bathtub," I demanded, pointing to the bathroom door.

"No! Not until we talk about this for several more minutes!" Eden exclaimed, adjusting her position in my rather large bathtub in order to make it more comfortable.

"So, did you tell him?" Vanity asked quietly, like somebody would overhear.

"Not all of it. He doesn't know about the... you know," I explained, equally as quiet.

"Kinda figured that you wouldn't tell him about that," Eden said.

"Yeah... He gets out in a couple of weeks, you know. And, there's something that I never told you guys about the day that he got sentenced."

"What?" Vanity asked.

"Well, before they took him out of the courthouse, he told me that I would be seeing him after he got out. And, he's gonna be out in a couple of weeks..." I paused, then whispered, "And, I'm scared."

They all made an effort to hug me, but it ended up being kind of awkward due to the limited amount of space. Once they pulled back, they took deep breaths.

"It's okay, bro. We got this. We will protect you with everything we have, and so will the bodyguards, and so will Jimmy, Jonesy, and Bonzo, and I bet Robert will, too," Monet promised.

"Thanks, you guys, I appreciate it."

The next week, Robert and I were sitting out on my balcony, eating some cheese quesadillas and chocolate velvet cake that for some reason I had put in a cup for lunch.

"You are a very brilliant cook, you realize that, right?" Robert complimented.

I smiled and kissed him on the cheek. "I know, but thanks anyways."

He put his fork and cupcake (see what I did there?) down on the table and looked at me.

"So, we've been dating for about a week, and this is something that I would've done the first day if I wasn't afraid of you freaking out."

He leaned in and pressed his lips to mine. I was a little shocked at first, as I hadn't seen that coming, but I got over it quickly enough. His lips were soft and warm and tasted like chocolate cake. He was a very good kisser, and I hadn't kissed anybody in six years, so I was afraid that I was dreadfully horrible at it, but he didn't pull away, so I took that as a good sign.

After a minute or so, we pulled away with smiles on our faces. I heard loud squeals coming from behind us and looked to see Monet, Vanity, and Eden standing in the living room and jumping and clapping. Once they calmed down, I waved my hand as if to say, 'Go away now.' They took the hint and left, going in the general direction of the kitchen. I turned back to a smiling Robert.

"Listen, there's something I need to tell you," I said, getting serious. Seeing my expression, he nodded and put his 'listening face', as I called it, on. "Remember Dylan?" He nodded. "Six years ago, he went to prison for reasons unspecified. He's getting out in one week for good behavior. And, the day that he got sentenced, he told me that I would be seeing him after he got out. That could mean a lot of things, but he didn't look too friendly as he said it."

He didn't speak for a couple of minutes, so I just sat there, staring at him. Finally, he turned to look at me.

"What exactly did he do?" He asked, a trace of exasperation in his tone.

I paused for a while, not sure if I was ready to tell anybody else. I trusted him, yeah. I liked him plenty, yeah. But, it was so personal. I hadn't even told the guys until the trial. Okay, pros/cons list.

Pro: I don't have to keep it a secret from somebody that I spend a lot of time with. Then again, I spend a lot of time with Jimmy, Jonesy, and Bonzo as well, but I'm not going to tell them.

Con: He thinks of me differently.

Pro: He'll know not to push certain... things.

Con: I'll be opening up completely to a guy that I had known for two weeks.

Pro: I'll be opening up to the first guy that I had had romantic feelings for in six years.

Con: He may use it against me someday.

Pro: I don't think that he's big enough of an asshat to do that.

Pros outweigh the cons.

"You know how, sometimes, a guy... forces himself on a girl?" My throat felt thick all of a sudden.

"He... he raped you?!" Robert exclaimed.

I flinched. "Please... don't say it like that."

"Oh, my God. That's horrible!" He yelled. I heard glass shattering and looked behind me to see Vanity, Eden, and Monet standing in the living room. Monet and Eden had cups of cake in their hands, but there was a small circle of glass and several clumps of cake scattered around Vanity.

They started scrambling back to the kitchen.

I turned back to Robert who had an expression of horrified shock on his face. "Please don't think any less of me." The tears spilled over.

His head snapped to look at me. "Think less of you? Why in God's name would I do that?" He asked incredulously.

I stopped. "... I... I don't know. I just always thought that that would make people think less of me."

Robert chuckled and shook his head. "Not a chance."

I smiled a watery smile that was becoming all too common. He grabbed my face in both of his hands and kissed me again.

After all, you're my wonderwall. I should write that down. That'd make a good lyric.