The Art of Starting Over

Chapter 22 - Restored... Or Almost

"I told you he can really get under my skin. And I wasn't exactly in the best of moods after what happened with Shaun so, when he was being his usual asshole-y self, I snapped. I grabbed his beer and threw it in his face."

I stare into her shocked face for a few seconds, and then, she finally breaks into a smile.

"You didn't!"

"I did," I confirm, relieved that I finally got an opening. "Sosa, I swear there's nothing going on between us. He said it himself."

"What did he say?" she asks, still not convinced.

"I believe the exact words he used were nothing out of the ordinary." I smile at her encouragingly even though I feel another pang in my stomach as I repeat his words out loud. "I am sorry about Derek," I go on. "But this makes no sense. Do you think things got too much for him again?"

"I don't know," she replies exasperatedly. "I don't even know what to think anymore. And the worst part is that I don't have anyone to talk to about it. I mean, Karen is really sweet but she's not you."

I look at Sosa for a few seconds, knowing exactly how she feels.

"Millie's been diagnosed with cancer," I say quickly without thinking. The relief I feel as I get the words of my chest is instant. "That's why I couldn't come to work yesterday. We had our first doctor's appointment."

Sosa puts her hand up to her mouth in shock, her eyes full of concern and fear. "Oh my God!" she exclaims, "Oh my God! Ally, I am so sorry!"

She stands up and rushes over to give me a hug. Her arms tighten around my shoulders and it feels like colour has made its way back into my life.

"I am so sorry! I should have been there," she continues stroking my back.

I smile into her shoulder, happy to have my best friend back by my side. I know she can't change anything but just telling her feels like half the burden I've been carrying around with me the past week has been lifted.

"It doesn't matter," I tell her. "You're here now."

#

Sosa comes straight over from work to see Millie who calmly tells her all about the tests she's done so far and about Dr Debattista's plan.

I've always been impressed at how well Sosa handles these situations. I guess she's used to it due to her struggles at home. She asks all the right questions, questions I wouldn't dream of asking.

Are you scared? What if you need chemo? What if the cancer has already spread? Have you looked into getting a wig?

And Millie answers each question earnestly, looking at me every now and then.

Yes, I'm terrified. If the doctor thinks it's worth a shot, then I'll try chemo. We'll cross that bridge when we get to it.

All the right questions get all the right answers. Tears flow silently from my eyes but they aren't tears of sadness or fear tonight. I feel blessed to have Millie. I am proud of her and humbled by her. Seeing her so brave and pragmatic at a time like this gives me courage. I feel happy that Sosa is here with us, dwelling into depths I'm not brave enough to dwell into myself.

We eat dinner together. Stuffed bell peppers and roast potatoes. We play a few rounds of Rummy and before we know it, it's ten o'clock. I ask Sosa if she wants to sleep over and maybe tomorrow the three of us can all go out for lunch or something. Sosa accepts excitedly and instantly texts her sister to let her know she won't be coming home.

Millie goes up to her room soon after that, but Sosa and I stay up late into the night talking. I give her all the details about my date with Shaun and the more I talk about it, the more I realise Jeremy was right. He did bore the hell out of me. Sosa laughs her head off when I get to the 'love declaration' scene. She says it's straight out of a rom-com. I think it's straight out of a horror movie.

Then I start telling her about how I got home and found Jeremy watching TV with Millie and how we got into an argument within less than five minutes of me entering the room, but I quickly change subject seeing Sosa's smile gradually slide off her face.

I'm not sure if this is because she's still not convinced that I'm telling the truth or because she's just not happy with us getting closer, even if it is nothing out of the ordinary. Sosa has always been a bit possessive, so I shouldn't really be surprised.

"It's just been so weird," I say when she falls quiet. "All this drama with Millie, Shaun and Jeremy, and not having you to share it with. And to top it all off, Jeremy and Millie teamed up and want me to start studying again. It's crazy."

Sosa pretends that she likes the idea of me going back to school, but I know she's only saying it to be nice. She knows as well as I do that I might not be able to keep working full-time if I start studying again. But I have to keep up. We need the money now more than ever.

"I got my car back," she says suddenly. But she doesn't look too excited about it. "That's how I've been getting to work this week. Mum and Dad were having a really bad argument when I went to ask him if he could give me a ride and he just flung the keys at me before storming out."

Sosa pretends that she's not bothered by her home situation but I can tell it's taking its toll on her. The arguments are becoming more frequent and more intense and her sister, Rachel, is talking about getting her own place a lot more often.

"I stopped trying to call him," she says after a few brooding seconds. "Derek. I miss him. I'm still checking my phone all the time, hoping he'll call me."

"You really like him, don't you?" I say softly, trying not to sound too surprised.

She smiles sombrely but doesn't reply.

Then, I ask her the ultimate question. Will she be changing the rosters back to the way they were before? I need things to go back to normal, at least at work, and clearly, so does she. Thankfully, she confirms that the rosters will go back to how they were from next month.

We go up to my room at two in the morning and fall asleep in my bed, both content that at least one broken piece of our lives has been restored.

I sleep for two straight hours. Then I wake up sweaty and panting. I look over at Sosa. She is still sleeping peacefully, her curls spread back over the pillow like the rays of a black sun. It's so quiet you could hear a pin drop on the floor. It's like time has completely stopped. Unfortunately, I know it hasn't. I wish it would.

I try to control my breathing. I check the time on my phone. It's just gone past four o'clock. One more hour for daylight to start creeping into my room. My head is full of voices again. Millie, Sosa, my mother, my father, Dr. Debattista. They won't let me sleep. All of them voicing their opinions, saying things that don't make sense, things that don't add up. I lay awake, staring at the ceiling, waiting for the black sky to light up.