Star Side

Chapter 45

"I'm sorry?" I squeaked.

"Did you at least find out what a bite signifies for his people?" she asked, thin as ice.

"Um...it's like, uh, sign of affection? Maybe like a kiss?"

"And he's been 'kissing' you since when and you haven't thought to tell any of us? Not that we don't have eyes to see he's more or less obsessed with you," she sighed heavily and pressed the heel of her palm to her brows. "Jolene, you stupid, idiot girl."

"I'm sorry."

"There's so much to say, I don't even know where to start."

"I was stupid and now I've brought needless drama and complications to an already sensitive situation?"

"You couldn't very well control whether or not an alien falls in love with you," she paused and lowered her hand. "You...didn't encourage this, did you?"

"No!" I all but shrieked. "I didn't even think—I told him no?"

"No what?"

"No to marrying him? Wait, no, not to that, I said no to him touching my—wait..."

Naomi's look made me feel like a puddle of goo on the floor.

"And Levi? Tell me you're at least not leading him along."

"I told him I don't feel the same way and I just can't push back my insecurities about being in a relationship with him, but he said that he has plenty of time to convince me otherwise. I swear to god, Naomi, I haven't been unclear in this at all." I paused. "I...I don't know how to be clearer with Gilrack. I already rejected him, that's why he...you know."

"Tried to waste away in his hole and die, yes." She groaned and leaned forward. "I wish I could be entertained by this, but..."

She didn't have to say it. Levi's three-day coma and bruises had been enough. At least Levi had the sense to back off on being more forward for a bit, but it couldn't be forever.

"We need to send Gilrack back to Vetas as soon as possible, whether he wants to or not," said Naomi.

My heart clenched. "What about the orders from Earth? They wanted us to keep him."

"I can handle losing my job, but there's not reverse on death or...whatever Gilrack has intended for you."

I didn't like the way she spoke about him. She'd always been on my side with supporting Gilrack as being more like us than unlike and treating him as humanely as possible. But an echo of her old resentment, fresh from the death of her husband, echoed in her words.

"It's not like he can't be reasoned with," I said quickly. "He so much as thought he scared me and tried to kill himself. We can communicate with Gilrack—"

"As long as he doesn't lose himself to these 'instinct seizures.' Jo, it's as much for him as it is for us. It's obvious to even Levi how hard on him it is to live on the station. It's nothing like his home. Hell, he was almost sick to death for the first little while there just by breathing our air. Perhaps our very culture is in a way poisoning him now, since he can't satisfy his instincts to the point they have to take over."

"Mostly he just wants to cuddle when they do," I said weakly. "It was only because...he saw Levi..."

"I know, I get it. Gilrack was trying to stake his claim, animalistic as it is it is still somewhat human, if it weren't for his instincts."

I took a shaky breath of the aroma of my tea. I should probably drink it. It would calm down this constant shaking in my gut and had been sweetened with honey and milk. But for some reason I couldn't bring myself to. Holding it this close to my nose, I realized the tea I'd always loved somehow felt like toilet water, even though the smell was still sweet and familiar and the thought of honey appealing.

The niggling suspicion I'd locked away in a corner of my mind wiggled.

"Let's get him better first," I said. "I have a suspicion he's been purposely pretending like he hasn't learned the controls."

"Same." And finally that hard disapproval in her gaze softened to something of amusement. "You know, I got the chance to have the most interesting conversation with him over some pictures of some models."

I winced. "Do I want to know why you were looking at models?"

"I'd been wondering for some time, with how alike to us he looks sometime, what he thinks is beautiful." Her smiled widened. "He found most of the woman, well, unsavory. His words were 'they look weak, sickly, and diseased.' Not to mention he kept saying it didn't mean much anyways since he couldn't smell them. I can see pornography for these aliens would have to include a scratch and sniff sticker."

My face felt very, very hot. "And you're telling me this why...?"

"Because I know you, Jo. You've been affected more than most women by the shallow turn genetic therapy has taken our world. I know you doubt Levi when he calls you attractive, so I'm at least letting you know that Gilrack is telling the truth. Not that Levi isn't telling the truth, but," she shrugged.

I frowned, not comforted, even while my face still burned. "Naomi...are you actually encouraging me to—Gilrack's an alien and Levi's your brother!"

"And you'd make a wonderful sister-in-law."

"Naomi!"

"Oh, I'm sorry, did you prefer Gilrack? He does have nice muscles, I suppose."

I covered my face with my hands. "That's not the point. God, you're so bipolar, weren't you just scolding me for encouraging Gilrack?"

"That's because he hurt you and Levi due, in part, to unresolved emotions. There's nothing to say those dangers will continue once there's resolution."

I threw my hands up. "There's nothing to say it could get worse!"

She thought a second on that, shrugged, and picked up her tea.

"Not much we can predict right now then, eh? Besides," she took a sip and did the looking at me over the brim again. "It's not like you dislike the idea of being with Gilrack. Now, are you going to drink your tea so I can drag you to the infirmary to get a look at that bite? And maybe look into why you seem to be getting thinner."

"It's noticeable?" I looked at me arms, then down at my belly and frowned. "I can't tell if I'm getting fatter or skinnier, honestly."

"It's all the protein you've been eating lately, which makes sense with your anemia, but it clogs up the system. You're probably constipated."

Now I had to blush for a whole new reason. I screwed up my face.

"I know there are only three of us on the station, but can we at least pretend to not be in each other's bathroom business?"

"I'm the doctor, dearie," her smile was wide and toothy. "I get to know these's sorts of things."

"Wow, gee, lucky you." I sniffed my tea again, but ended up putting it back down. "I actually don't really feel like tea. I think I've been losing my appetite."

"Another symptom of constipation." Naomi nodded, then downed the last of her tea. "Then let's get going. I want an excuse to stab you with needles as punishment for being a moron."

"Hey!"

But she just smiled and led the way back out of the lounge.