Grown to hate

Chapter 17: Acceptance

Noelle laid her arms on her legs and looked at the fresh blister. She sat on the rooftop of the base and Liebe stood next to her.
     "Mind telling me why you thought it was a good idea to jump from the window?" Liebe sat down and kept his gaze on the girl.
     Noelle bit her tongue and looked away. "It should be obvious by now."
     "You really wanted to just—end it all?" Liebe asked.
     Noelle took a shaky breath and nodded. "Maybe it was a bad idea, but at the time it was all I wanted." She replied.
     Liebe sighed and laid on his back. "Man, there's so saving you." He said.
Noelle furrowed her brows and clenched her fist.
"But Asta said you really just need someone to talk to. He has a feeling it can't be him, so here I am. Wasting my time with a suicidal girl." Liebe said.
"Asta—Asta told you to talk to me?" Noelle asked.
Liebe nodded. "He told me you probably don't trust him. Especially after you found out about that deal."
Noelle bit her lip and ground her teeth. "He lied to me. Told me he wouldn't take up that son of a bitch's offer, but he did," the girl's breath hitched. "And I can't help but blame myself."
Liebe kept his eyes on the girl.
"I drove him away. I was weak and he wasn't. I guess I only came in his way." Noelle sniffed and brought her knees up and held them close.
Liebe sighed and cleared his throat. "What Nozel said was true. About the deal," Liebe noticed how Noelle glanced at him. "Nozel did call you weak, but Asta defended you."
Noelle's brows raised as her eyes widened.
"He said you weren't weak and fully capable of defending yourself. Recently you've only been proving him wrong just because you're scared of some people who are hardly in you life anymore."
Noelle hugged her knees tighter and looked to the side. Her heart sank at the memory of her beating Asta.
"I'm so stupid. I'm so stupid!"
"So is he. Asta might be a bigger idiot than you. He still completely trusts you and doesn't blame you for anything. My opinion? I think you should at least think some things through. Your choice to make, not mine." Liebe said.
Noelle looked at the boy and saw Asta's face. The boy still had his red eyes and Noelle swallowed her spit.
"Can I talk to Asta?" She asked.
Liebe sighed and closed his eyes. His eyes opened to show the green eyes Noelle was familiar with.
"I'm back." Asta said.
Noelle laid beside the boy and kept her head in his direction. "Asta." This time her voice was gentle.
The boy fixed his eyes on the girl and turned on his side. The two unconsciously shifted closer, and the boy gently put his arm around her.
"I'm sorry." Noelle put her face on the boy's chest and dampened his clothes with her tears.
"I'm confused on why you're apologizing. I should be the one apologizing to you. I went behind your back and destroyed your trust." Asta said.
The girl moved her face and looked up at the boy. "But it's your life and it was your choice to make."
"Noelle," Asta scooted closer and the two's faces were only an inch away from touching. "The short time I've known you I realized that the bond you and I have is special. This friendship or whatever you want to call it, it's just something I hold very dear. I want to protect you, but I also want you to become stronger. With me. So please, for yourself and me, stop believing yourself to be weak. Stop holding on to hate and please stop ruining your own sanity. I promise to be very honest with you from now on, only as long as you do what I just told you."
Noelle nodded and hugged the boy. "Thank you for caring for me." She sobbed.
Asta only returned the hug and let the girl cry into his chest. He stared straight ahead, but his focus was on the feelings the girl had given him. Birds chirped and the sinking sun's light hit the boy's eyes. He closed them and only hugged the girl tighter.

The evening had welcomed itself and the bulls were in the living room chatting with each other. Noelle took a puff from her cigarette and noticed it had reached the filter.
     "Captain Yami, can I have another?" She asked.
     Yami look at the girl dead in the eyes. "Go get your own. You've been stealing mine for far too long." He said.
     Asta chuckled and jumped up from doing his pushups. "I think it'd be best if you didn't smoke at all. It could be bad for your lungs." He said.
     "I've been smoking for half my life, and my lungs are as healthy as ever." Yami said.
     Noelle sighed and turned on the stool. She saw Finral staring at her with a somber expression.
     "Noelle." Finral approached the girl.
     "Finral?" Noelle raised a brow and faced him.
     "Are the rumors true?" He asked.
Noelle had grown anxious and her leg shook. "What rumors?" She asked.
"That you cut ties with the Silva family."
The room had gone silent. Asta approached the girl and placed his hand on her shoulder. Yami kept reading his paper and blew out smoke.
"Yes, it's true. I left them because they're pieces of shits and I don't want to be related to them anymore." Noelle said.
Yami let out a loud laugh. "That's the spirit!" He shouted.
Some of the other bulls laughed along with the captain, but Finral and Asta only stayed quiet.
"You can't cut ties with royalty just like that Noelle." Finral said.
"Well I did, and I enjoyed every second of it. I let my heart out when speaking with Nozel for the last time and I don't regret a thing." She said.
     Yami chuckled. "Noelle," he said to get the girl's attention. "Here's a cigarette just for that response." He tossed a cigarette and Noelle successfully caught it.
     The girl let out a smile and lit a match. She lit up her cigarette and took several puffs.
     "I swear these things are addicting." She said.
     "Oh they are." Yami nonchalantly said.
     Noelle removed the cigarette and looked at it. "I think it's worth it." She said.
     Asta sighed and looked over at Finral. He directed his head to the right and left the base with him.
     "Noelle isn't taking this seriously, is she?" Asta asked.
     Finral nodded. "Never in my life have I ever heard of a royal leave their family. I don't know if she could face serious consequences for what she did. Especially from the Silva family."
     "I'm sure the Silva family won't bother her for a while. I'm actually meeting up with captain Nozel tomorrow morning." Asta said.
     Finral gasped and looked at Asta straight in the eyes. "Can you even do that? Captain Nozel has a strong dislike for... commoners."
     "I think he's misunderstood. He may have made stupid decisions in the past, but he has good intentions." Asta said.
     "You've changed."
     Asta sighed. "Everyone can change. They just have to meet the right person." The boy looked through the window and stared at Noelle.
     Finral looked down and face the boy again. "That reminds me, would you like to come to a mixer with me and luck?"
     Asta stared at the man dumbfounded. "The fuck is a mixer?"
     "It's like a group date. Yo-"
     "No thanks." Asta walked back into the base and left Finral to mope.
     "Magna it is then." He said.