Gary With The Steak Knife [COMPLETED]

He Made Gary's Fish Slashing Ways Look Saintly

Chapter 3

I studied my reflection in the mirror hanging above my bathroom sink. I was dressed in my dangly diamond earrings, a low-cut red dress, and matching lipstick and heels. She cleans up good, I thought, blowing on my fingers and brushing them against the fabric of my dress. Gary won't know what hit him.

Usually, the sloth was my spirit animal; with its greasy fur and slow, lazy movements but tonight, I identified with the graceful, statuesque gazelle.

Eat dirt, Brian. I'm dating now.

"Who's that with Zoe", he would wonder. Oh, that's Gary with the white teeth. Did I mention that he has his own boat? I didn't know that to be exactly true, but it seemed like an obvious guess since he was holding up a giant fish in his profile picture.

What was it with men and their penchant for posting photos of them displaying their catches as though they were Rafiki proudly showcasing Simba over Pride Rock? Did they think that a slimy, dead-eyed sea creature was the way to a woman's heart?

No thank you. Envisioning the toothy, bugged eye monster of a fish that lurked in the dark depths of the sea, I shuddered. It most definitely did not get my sex drive pumping. But hey, no judgement if that's your thing.

Let's see, what else did I know about Gar Bear? He too, had teeth. Only his was pristinely white. Suspiciously so.

Come to think of it, I couldn't even be sure that was the truth either. What were the kids using these days? Photoshop? Filters? Don't even get me started about Snapchat. I had no desire to purposely make myself look like a dog and if I wanted to wear a flower crown that badly, I would just go out to Mrs. Perry's garden next door and illegally pick myself some daffodils.

That actually wasn't a bad idea. Mrs. Perry could use a little humbling after throwing her garbage away in my trash can. I pointed at my eyes and then pointed at her house. That's right, Mrs. Perry. I'm watching you and your hefty bags.

I was pulled out of my reverie at the sound of the doorbell ringing. "It's showtime," I snarled in my best Beetlejuice voice.

I ripped open the door to see Gary with the white teeth beaming back at me. Holy, blinding LED headlights in my rearview mirror! I can confirm the color was most definitely not Photoshop. I squinted my eyes, contemplating on whether or not I needed my sunglasses.

"Zoe, right?" I grimaced as he pronounced my name to rhyme with Joe.

"It's Zoe," I corrected him. "Like Joey but with a Z."

Gar Bear nodded his head. "Right. Are you ready for dinner? I know this amazing place."

"Do they sell baguettes?" He gave me a strange look but ever since Leslie took me to that café, I had a hankering for those flakey bad boys. The buttery bread was the only type of bad boy that was granted permission to get flakey with me.

As it turned out, the 'amazing place' was the same restaurant that Brian had decided to break up with me at. Smooth Gary, real smooth. I should have known better than to trust a man that murders poor, innocent fish for sport.

We sat down to order, and I picked up the menu. I kid you not; I had that puppy in my hands for no longer than a millisecond before Gary ripped it away from me just like Brian had ripped out my heart.

"Yo, Gary my dude, what's the deal," I asked, trying to conceal my shock.

"You don't need that. I already know what you should order. They have this amazing Caesar salad that you will just love."

Oh heeeeellll no. Big mistake, Gar Bear. Big mistake.

I imagined hooking his mouth with a fishing rod like he had done to that pure-souled bass, but decided to not chose violence today. I would extract my revenge in other ways.