Gary With The Steak Knife [COMPLETED]

There Are People Dying

Chapter 1

I broke up with my boyfriend. Ok, so maybe he was the one who broke up with me but that's irrelevant to this story. Well, that's a lie too but are you really going to force me to admit that I was dumped? The Big D. Fine, if that's what you want, I'll say it. I was dumped.

It happened the night of our two-year anniversary. I was getting ready to plan our future and he was getting ready to bed his co-worker, Ashleigh. Ashleigh with the blonde hair and the big boobs. HA! No wonder he preferred her over me. I am not blonde, and I definitely do not have big boobs.

Well, Ashleigh, you can have him. I hope you like small...er minds.

So anyways, where was I? Ah yes, the night of the big dumping. Brian, my ex and the former love of my life, wanted to take me out to dinner at one of those fancy restaurants. You know the type. The kind where the waiters have those little gadgets that sweep away the crumbs for you and you can't take more than two sips of water before someone is urgently rushing over to refill it. Surely, your boyfriend doesn't take you there if he's prepping to break up with you. WRONG.

Brian with the small...er mind had other plans. So, there I was, delicately nibbling on my bread roll; another sign that you're eating fancy, when he dropped the bombshell on me.

He leaned in to grab ahold of my hands in between his. He had that look in his eyes that men get when they are in love but don't be fooled; that look can also be used when they are getting ready to leave you for the girl they actually love.

"Zoe," he began. "You are so special to me." Special. Replaceable. It's all the same. Did I get that one correct, Brian?

I thought for sure that this was it. Images of me bursting out of a church even though I hadn't been to one well, ever flooded my mind. I was holding Brian's hand as we got assaulted by rice, and I was wearing a gaudy white dress that would sit up in my attic for a couple of decades until I eventually made my daughter-in-law super uncomfortable by insisting that she wear the pastry shaped gown for her own wedding. It would be magical.

My gaze flew Brian's dinner jacket. Was that an outline of a ring box I spied? Spoiler alert, it wasn't. Turns out Ol' Brian boy wore his trousers just a size too small and couldn't fit his wallet in there, so it got a nice little upgrade to his front pocket.

However, my naïve self wouldn't learn this not so minor detail for another few seconds. I beamed at him not knowing that instead of popping the question, he was gearing up to break my heart.

"I've really enjoyed our time together," he continued.

Blah, Blah, Blah. On with it, Brian. Lay that big shiny rock on my finger.

He took a deep breath. Here it comes. Tiffany with the horrible taste was finally going to get a mouthful of her own medicine in the form of a vomit-colored bridesmaid dress after making me wear an organza tutu to her wedding. Brian leaned in closer and lowered his voice. "However, I don't think this is going to work."

"Yes" I shouted throwing my arms up in the air and knocking a tray full of water glasses out of a waiter's hand. Uh-oh. Looks like the unthinkable has finally happened, empty water glasses in a fancy restaurant. Someone's getting fired.

Brian gave me a funny look. "What? I'm leaving you, Zoe. Do you understand?"

As the realization hit that the only wedding I would be planning was between my cats after I started collecting them like baseball cards now that I was old and single, I thrusted my chair back. Pulling myself up, I tried my best to tower over him with my five-foot-two frame. "What do you mean you are leaving me?!"