Azarius spinoff

1

Since getting to Himnoa, I've read a lot of books about war. This has made Lief and Ravana very uncomfortable but me much less so.

Sometimes, when I babysit, I tell Jamie stories from the books. All the ones about people helping eachother, about opposite sides seeing eachother as human.

"I was lucky," I murmur to her, "If Lief didn't know me as a person, I wouldn't be here."

She just stares up at me, holding my pinky. Ravana is very displeased by her adoration of me. It prevents him from kicking me out while Lief is at work.

From the books it sounds like the things I did weren't that bad. I read about dictators during Himnoa's earlier years that killed millions. I only killed nineteen people total. But I guess guilt comes easier when you know who the people were.

The High Elder, Elder Genova, Cooper, and Arden hurt the most. The High Elder was a god to the people of the colony, but I killed them with ease. Elder Genova was Lief's grandmother, and I knew her pretty well by the time I had to kill her.

And Cooper. God, I loved Cooper more than anything in the world. I killed him as quickly as I could, but it hurt so bad. If Lief's attack hadn't come that same night, maybe the guilt of that could have gotten me to stop. But in that delirious moment, I thought hurting someone else would make me feel better.

So, Arden. My last kill. Months ago, now. Under different circumstances, we could have been friends. If I wasn't so focused on being in charge of everything. I did enjoy their company, but maybe that's because by that point I felt I deserved for someone to be mean to me, and that's what they did.

And now I'm taking their baby to little groups of new parents that her dads can't go to.

Ravana was worried he would scare all the human parents, or they'd think he kidnapped her, and Lief has to work. All he's done for a while is work. I think it keeps him from killing me.

I watch Jamie like a hawk.

"Is that your daughter?" one of the mothers asks.

"No, I'm just her nanny. Her fathers couldn't bring her, but we think she needs to meet kids her age," I explain, still keeping an eye on her.

"Oh. Is there a bio mom in the picture, or...?"

I pause. "They've... passed on. Shortly after Jamie's birth."

The woman gasps. "Oh, poor dear! At least she has her fathers. And you, of course. I'm Susie."

"Azarius," I say, shaking her hand.

"That's a beautiful name. Can't say I've ever heard it before, though."

"I haven't heard yours, either."

"It's quite common. Are you foreign?"

I nod. "Yes, I'm from an island quite a ways from here."

I'm not used to talking this much. Ravana doesn't talk to me, and Lief just barely tolerates one conversation a week. All my talking is done towards Jamie.

Speaking of Jamie, she's just looked over at me and started pouting like she's going to cry. I step over and pick her up, swaying her in my arms.

"Your voice sounds quite interesting. Though it is hard to hear with all the people talking and kids crying. You're very quiet!" she says.

"My people are generally called 'Silent Ones', so. We don't talk much, and if we do we don't do it loudly."

I was always good at speaking very quietly, due to my inability to sign.