Weighted Silence (Complete)

Chapter 22: Saylor

22Saylor

I sent Dion home.

If he'd been willing or able to speak, I'm sure he would have gone kicking and screaming, but as it was, he just looked disappointed, shredding something in me that I was too tired to try mending. I hadn't wanted him to go. But neither had I wanted to spend the rest of the day feeling like I was teasing him. Touching his cheek here, almost kissing him there, then pulling away and going on a tangent about just being friends. It wasn't fair to him.

Honestly, I didn't want to just be friends, but could see no way to make something work between us. It was like Mrs. May said, the big city and a tiny, off-the-map town were practically different planets. I couldn't give up the life I had worked to build to try and adapt to living in a town of only fifty some-odd people. There was no fast food, grocery stores, shopping malls, bookstore, any form of entertainment... there wasn't even a hospital. Just cold, cold, and more cold. And a whole cluster of people who knew everyone's business all the time. I felt like the lack of privacy alone would kill me.

And Dion... I couldn't ask him to uproot from the only place he'd ever known to come be with me in Phoenix either. It was hot, loud, huge, and there were millions of people, with thousands of things to do, go, and see. I wasn't sure he'd be able to handle the over-stimulation. Sure, we could dabble with a long-distance relationship if we really wanted to, but I could hardly see myself making out with him over Skype. Especially with his spotty internet out here.

No... much as I would have loved to say otherwise, it seemed like going our separate ways was the only plausible solution. I just wished Dion felt that way. He'd lost so much already. I did not want to be the source of anymore hurt for him, but the more time I spent with him, the more I could feel myself falling for him. And see him falling for me. I had to stop it before he fell so hard that my going home left him shattered. I'd never forgive myself.

But being alone in this giant house, carrying a trash bag room to room, using my one good arm to stuff it with papers from the desk drawers and old food from the pantry, all I could seem to do was cry. And I hated myself for it.

I dropped to my seat from where I'd been kneeling next to the lower drawers of the main desk in the office area off the foyer and pulled my knees up to cry. Dion had been gone almost an hour, and every minute that passed, I went to war with myself over whether or not it would be worth it to text him and ask him to come back, or at least make sure he was okay.

But I was too chicken either way. So I sat, sulking and pathetic, and let the sadness eat me for a while. More than likely, I'd probably stay the night here, just to resist causing any further problems. It meant I'd have to reach out to him at some point, so he could bring me my stuff, but I wasn't ready for that yet.

I finished the office and returned to the kitchen, pulled a new trash bag from the pantry and began emptying the rest of the expired food from the cabinets. The stuff that wasn't expired, I set on the counter. Maybe I could ask Mayor about donating it somewhere.

When I heard the front door open and close sometime later, I slid out of the pantry to see Dion standing in the foyer, stomping snow from his shoes. He had his black beanie on again, it and his shoulders dusted with snow that he was shaking loose over the rug. His eyes lifted to me as I dropped the trash bag I'd been holding, brows narrowed as he strode purposefully to stand before me.

"What are you doing here?" I said softly.

He eased out of his backpack and let it fall to the floor, eyes sliding over my face. For several seconds, he didn't move, then he gently laid a hand on my cheek. I blinked and a tear fell. He caught it with his thumb, brows narrowed as he searched my eyes. I watched him as his mouth parted, my heart racing as his lips twitched. He closed it again, licked his lips, then gnawed them a moment, then opened his mouth again.