𝐬𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐡 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐧 | 𝐣𝐚 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐭.

35.

I took a deep breath and continued. "And then you never reached out to me. You never checked up on me, never asked how I was doing, never showed any concern for my well-being. You treated me like I was disposable, like I didn't matter to you. And the emotional and mental abuse, the manipulation... I can't even begin to describe how much that has affected me."

I took a deep breath before continuing "You made me feel like I was never enough and like I had to constantly prove my worth to you. I spent so many years trying to please you and earn your love, but it was never enough then when you actually started talking to me again it was only for money."

My mother's eyes widened in realization as I spoke. "I didn't realize how much I had hurt you, June. I was just so caught up in my own issues that I didn't see how much damage I was causing. I can't change the past and I can't make up for the hurt I've caused you, but I want to try. I want to have a real relationship with you, I want to be there for you and support you in any way I can."

"What makes you think I want a relationship with you after this?" I furrowed my eyebrows.

"What? Youn want a relationship with me? Come on Mai, Im your momma. I'm what you need."

"Yeah I know you're my mom and I did need you then but I don't know, I don't know if I want to build a relationship with you. The time I needed you, You wasnt there so why do you think I need you now? I spent all this time without you in my life."

"I didn't even do anything that bad Semaijah. I literally apologized to you. What more do you want?"

"You didn't do anything that bad? You abandoned me when I needed you the most! I understand that you may not see it as that bad, but the truth is that what you did had a impact on me. Growing up without a mother was difficult, and it's something that I still struggle with to this day. It's not just about the financial support, it's about having a role model, someone to turn to when life gets tough, someone who can offer guidance and love. Yes I had Daddy but I needed you too. You weren't there for any of that, and that's something that I'll never be able to get back. Every girl needs their mother, mama."

"I know I messed up, Semaijah. I'm not trying to pretend like everything is okay. I just want the chance to make it right. I literally apologized."

"Apologizing doesn't magically fix everything, Momma. You can't just say sorry and expect me to forgive you right away. It takes time to heal from the pain you caused me. And even if I did forgive you, it doesn't mean everything will go back to the way it was before you left. You missed out on so much of my life and I don't know if I want to let you back in now."

"I'm seeing your part but you're not even seeing mine. You don't understand how hard it was for me. I was going through some really difficult things and I didn't know how to handle it. I was in a dark place and I didn't know how to be there for you."

"Did you even try?" I asked her and she stayed silent "You didn't even try. And now, after all these years, you want to come back into my life like nothing ever happened and expect me to forgive you and start a relationship with you?"

"I just want the chance to make it right."

"How can you make it right? You can't change what you did. You can't go back and be there for me when I was a kid. And now I'm an adult and I don't need you as much." My voice shook with hurt.

"I know I can't change the past but I can try to make things better going forward. I can be there for you now, as your mother, and make up for the time I missed. I can support you and be the mother you deserve and the one you always wanted."