North Star

46 | the last song

2019

"Mele Kalikimaka, mama."

She kissed my forehead before wrapping her arms around my shoulders. Hawai'i had finally cooled down enough that we could wear a bulky cardigan around the house and not sweat ourselves out of it. While I was never going to have an authentic wintery Christmas, I liked enjoying it in our own way. Hawaiian Christmases would always be the most special to me.

It had been a while since we celebrated the holiday in our usual way. For a long time, it didn't feel the same without Dad—that was never going to change; we had to rediscover what these times of the year meant to us—and a large part of that had to do with him passing away weeks before Christmas. Nothing ruined the holiday season like losing a loved one and having it be a constant reminder of losing out on the joy he once brought to us during it.

As much as he would have wanted us to continue our family traditions as expected, we didn't have it in ourselves, though great efforts had been made, so they were put on pause for a few years. We still exchanged gifts, but it was often done where we handed them off, thanked each other, and then opened them up separately in our rooms. If we were lucky, Christmas landed on a Sunday so we could at least use our usual Sunday breakfast as an illusion to pretend like we were celebrating something.

Christmas fell on a Wednesday this year, but we had a lot of reasons to celebrate that didn't require a Sunday routine. Kanani was due next month, Micah was back for winter break, and the Riveras were coming over for a Christmas brunch spread, the same we used to have when Dad was the one cooking it. (Keali'i picked up Dad's omelette duties.) And when Anthony had asked if he could bring Nikau with them so he wouldn't have the spend the day alone, I told him Nikau had already been invited. Anthony found that amusing.

Mom kissed me once more before returning to the kitchen where she was helping Keali'i finish cooking the food. The entire house smelled like a dream, one I had been rudely awoken from many times over the years, and most of us had already taste-tested everything as soon as it hit the table.

"Remember how you said your work makes you double-check every single paper you scan in so you know nothing happened to the file?" Leimomi said after taking a large bite out of the cinnamon rolls that had been pulled fresh out of the oven. "Consider this more of that quality assurance."

"At least you're not quality-assuring alcoholic drinks." Mom scared her away by clicking the hot tongs near her stomach. The mimosa ingredients were safely guarded.

"I have a perfectly valid excuse for eating early," Kanani had added. She elected to eat a bread roll that was more butter than bread. "Baby said thank you for the pass."

"That baby is gonna come out like a construction worker."

Kanani rubbed her belly. "Even better."

"I'm envisioning it already." I lowered myself onto one of the chairs, careful not to let my mom or Keali'i see me taking a swipe of the mini spinach and mushroom quiches. "His neon green shirt and Timberland boots, walking into a 7-Eleven to buy out their spam musubis, manapua, and pork hash. All he'll need to do is move to Waianae or Aiea to complete the whole package."

Kanani shoved me away with a laugh. "At least wait until he's born to make fun of him."

"What are you talking about? I'm obviously going to be the cool aunt that spoils him."

"And what kind of aunt are you going to be?" Kanani directed at Leimomi.

"The gay one he comes to when he wants to complain about you."

Mom flipped her tongs in the air again, threatening us. "Don't think I can't see all of you eating right now."

One of them whispered, "She has eyes in the back of her head."