Random Joke Stories

TarQ [Splatoon 2]

Fired (Humanoid TarQ)

C.Q.'s POV

Yeah, I work for Kamabo Co.

It's not a bad job, really. I get paid well and I get to do what I like most. Call me a psychopath, a sociopath, insane. I don't care what anyone says anymore. I've found that it's easier to ignore those below me. Those who criticize me. The haters, the minor annoyances.

I walk down the empty halls of the Deepsea Metro, my footsteps echoing throughout the tunnels. I'm just heading to a test chamber when- oh my Cod.

I-it's him!

Why am I panicking, why am I... Be normal! Agh!

"Good morning, C.Q.," he says to me. "I suppose the social norm in this situation would be to ask how your morning is, or if you're heading off to work, but I already know you're going to respond with "Okay" and "Yes, I am heading to the Metro." Suddenly, he tripped. "Boss!" I exclaimed. In an instant, I rushed to his side and caught him. It felt so fantastical, as if we were in a movie. I might have blushed if I had blood instead of a water vascular system. 

"Um- y-you're okay?" I asked. He got up and I let go of him. "Yes, I am all right. Although this new humanoid body will take some getting used to," Recently, Tartar had downloaded himself into an Octoling-esque robot body of his own design. I'll admit to myself that I find his new appearance somewhat attractive, but...no, this is selfish. I only started liking him when he completely changed his body. I never liked him before, and he's still the same person.

Am I a bad person?

Well, of course I am...I do kill Octarians for a living, after all...but...

Agh! Why is this so confusing?! Do I really like him for who he is?! Is this just...his new look? Did I ever love him before? I mean, I liked his personality, but not him...

Was it just because he looked like an inanimate object? Is that it? I'm pretty sure it would be hard to fall in love with a telephone. Is that why?

God, I'm so bad at this.

Life in general, I mean. Suddenly, I snapped back to the real world. "C.Q.?" Tartar said to me. "Are you going to work or not? You seemed to have lost your connection with the physical world for a minute,"

"Oh! Um, I-I'm fine," I said. I ran to the train, my mind still a mess. What just happened? I...I ran into Tartar, we talked, he tripped, I saved him...I thought...I ran...I'm thinking again...

I have to face the truth: I think I like him. 

Shit.

What now?!

Oh, yeah. Work >:D

~~~

Tartar's POV

Strange, there was a fluster-y feeling back there...I wonder what it was...a glitch? A bug? If so, can I fix it? Or is it just another strange side effect of my new form?

It does not matter. I need a way to stop it. It's getting annoying, actually. Whenever I look at, think about, talk to C.Q., I get the flutter. And it won't ever go away. I've tried everything. Everything.

...

No, wait.

There's one last thing...

...one last thing that could finally stop this...

...I have to do this.

Later (C.Q.'s POV)

My heart started to beat a little faster, but not by much. I was so confused inside that I didn't even really notice Tartar walking through the halls until I ran into him.

"Aah! I'm so sorry! Sorry, sorry, sorry!" I cried. "C.Q.," he said.

"W-what?" I asked. "What is it?" I was kind of terrified. He was still my boss...

He leaned closer.

Closer.

My heart raced.

But then...

"You're fired."

My heart pounded. I ran off, feeling weirdly happy. "He noticed me! He noticed me...!" I was so happy, he had finally noticed me! I didn't even care that I would never be able to come back here and see him ever again since I got fired! Tartar kind of gave me a confused stare before calling some Octarians to escort me out. 

Full of hope and joy, I managed to work my way up in my new job. I was the boss now! But something wasn't right.

I have all this happiness, but...everyone else isn't so lucky, are they?

Why didn't I share it?

And I know just the way!

The next morning, I remembered Tartar's last words to me. Those magical words...

"You're fired, you're fired, you're fired!" I said to each and every person I saw that day, full of glee. Maybe it was opposite day or something, because they all looked so sad.

But I got to spread joy and hope everywhere that day, and for that I am proud.