Write In My Heart

Chapter Seven: Straight..?

My heart was in my throat as we walked to my room. As a million things bombarded my brain.

He's holding your hand.

If he's touching you, he must not be too disgusted, right?

What if this is still some cruel joke?

Why is he here?

What does he want?

As soon as we passed the threshold to my room, I broke away from his grip and closed my bedroom door despite the fact it was only us two in the house. After I closed the door, I couldn't bring myself to look at him. "I'm so sorry," I softly said. "What...What I did was stupid and weird and I'm so sorry that I did that."

"Asa––"

"I bet it was some joke or something the first time, and I took it too far, and again I'm sorry."

"Asa, just––"

"And I really hope that we can move past this and still remain at least somewhat friends despite the fact that I potentially ruined our friendship. I still really care about you and want you in my life. You're my favorite person. And I promise I won't cross that boundary again or––"

"Asa."

The way he said my name made my words die on my lips. It was like a call for help, the tone in his voice. Like a plea or a confession. All of that woven between the letters of my name.

We sat in silence, me still facing the door and him existing in the space behind me. My throat felt like it was lined with sandpaper and my mouth felt like it was filled with cotton balls.

I just wanted to disappear.

"Asa, come on. Look at me," he said, his voice a soft caress to my weary, aching heart.

"I...can't." I was too weak. One look into his eyes and it would all become too real.

But, despite my wants, I felt a hand gently grip my forearm and turn me around so that I was now facing Johnathan. We were standing toe to toe, chest to chest as he looked down at me. His dark wet hair perfectly framed his face, making his gray eyes even more intense. I had to try my best not to squirm beneath his gaze. I was also hyperaware of the fact that he hadn't taken his hand off of mine.

"You didn't ruin our friendship, okay? You could never ruin it, it's just..." Silence filled the air as he searched his mind trying to find the right words to say. "You have no idea how long I'd been waiting for that moment on Friday. Absolutely no idea. I mean, I was scared that I had messed it up when I let my emotions get the better of me. It was just so hard because you were right there looking at me the way you do, making me feel the way you make me feel, and I just like you so much. But when you kissed me back, I...I don't know. I felt like every feeling that I'd been suppressing was validated and reciprocated. I felt okay. But then you ran off crying and, God, it felt like I'd made the biggest mistake of my life."

His eye dropped from mine for a moment as he took a deep breath. "Asa, I...I don't know how to describe it right now, so I won't try. But all I want you to know is that you're my favorite person too, and what you did wasn't stupid nor do I feel uncomfortable in the slightest. Scared, maybe a little bit because I've never felt this way before, but that isn't your fault, so please don't feel like it is."

He dragged his gaze back to mine, worry etched into every one of his features. Though my instinct was to say something, anything to soothe his worries, I just looked at him dumbfounded. Never in the handful of years that I'd felt the way I'd felt about Johnathan did I think he'd reciprocate those feelings. I mean, he was Johnathan Alexander Banks, the future pro wrestler with a hot cheerleader girlfriend that thousands of guys wanted to be and thousands of girls wanted to be with. Yet here we were.