I Kissed A Girl

16: Means To An End

Mackenzie's P.O.V

There it stood. The safe haven in all its decrepit glory. The paint was peeling off the brittle wood. The termites had eaten deep into the wood, and the smell of damp leaves and old mould made my nose itch. The walls were tall and appeared to be never-ending, cocooning us. Anna muttered profanities under her breath, upset at herself for wearing her good shoes.

A sad old bakery, that knew plenty of love back when it was in business, the door, once crimson red, was just the same. The flaking walls had suffered high August sun and harsh January winters. Upon opening the door, it creaked, the moan echoing to the beams that still resist the sagging roof above.

We passed the counter and strayed into the back. Tucked away in the corner, about old boxes and newspapers from the time it was open were stairs. The empty space where a window would have stood was shattered and sharp remains of glass still lie. "You really know how to charm a girl, Grey." Anna groaned stepping into something mushy and soft.

We followed the stairs to the top, "How do you know I'm not trying to get rid of you instead?" Mac chuckled.

Anna feigned heartbreak, "Because deep down I know you like me."

"Well, I'd hope I did. I did invite you along to keep me sane. That's the highest honour I could think of."

We reached the top, the cold air once again finding flesh to nip at. I pull out a makeshift firepit, and two old lawn chairs nearer to the wall. I light the fire kindling I had stashed away on the roof under a tarp that I left there the last time I was here. "Well shit." Anna cursed, "Didn't know a place like this existed in Glenwood."

Glenwood was a small town. Christmas was a few days away and Christmas decorations and lights had been up for a couple of weeks now. In the centre of the town, a ways away, the huge Christmas tree was standing beautifully lit up. The ferry lights twinkled from afar like tiny stars. Glenwood was always filled with Christmas spirit. The closer to town you were the more Christmas carolers you heard singing in the town, a man that resembled Saint Nick would stand at the mall door and ring the Salvation Army bell, collecting donations. If I was in need of some Christmas spirit, the square was the place to be.

"Pretty, right?" I breathed out, hunched over to get the fire started, stoking the flames.

"It's no Toronto City, but," Anna trailed off edging closer to the wall to see more, "It is pretty nice."

Sitting on the lawn chair, I drew nearer to the fire, warming myself, "What's Toronto like?"

"You mean besides terrible traffic, expensive phone plans, and unfriendly people?"

Surprised, I looked up from the fire, gazing at Anna, who was standing arms crossed still viewing the town, "Uhhh..."

Anna burst out into laughter, "I'm kidding, those things are true, well mostly, Toronto is like New York City but in the North. There's always something to do, its pretty popular cause of the cool waterfront scene and beautiful nightlife. Great food, festivals, and culturally rich. I love the art."

"So the complete opposite of Glenwood," Anna joined me on the lawn chairs, putting her hands out to warm up. "If you're looking for something simple and boring, this is the place to be."

"I don't know Mac, you seem to have a pretty interesting life here. Everything is really quiet. Nothing complex about living here."

I inhaled deeply, breathing into my hands, and fogging up my glasses, "That's the problem, could you imagine, living in a small town all your life and never wanting to set foot outside of it? I would switch places with you any day."

"I don't know, could you continue living on as a murderer?" Mac sighed, "You heard what the priest said? I was sitting right in front of him, contemplating the very thing he says is a sin."

"And you know what, I felt nothing. I didn't even care. I didn't second-guess it. My mind was still made up." As Anna spoke, I felt Anna's vulnerability, how this was tearing her up on the inside and finally, the seams were bursting open.

"Anna, it doesn't matter what the priest said. God isn't unfair. The Bible is not a book of condemnation, it's a book of love and forgiveness. It's supposed to guide you."

"Tell that to the man who literally teaches the words of the Bible. I'm maybe 8 weeks, it's a matter of time till I start showing."

"Having a baby is scary. Being young and having a baby is scarier. My mother gave birth to me even though it could have killed her. I'm grateful to her for risking it because I would have never been able to learn so much about the world if she hadn't. But I would have rathered my mom to do what was best for her. Her life to me is more important than if she had chosen to or even thought about it. I think it was okay. The world isn't black and white, there are some grey parts too."

"But I don't want to keep it because it could kill me. Mac, I don't want to keep it at all. I don't want it, I don't want the burden, I don't want a reminder. I don't want to ruin my life any more than how fucked up it already is. I know I'm selfish but I just can't do it."

I breathed a smile, "'Palms 32:1-Blessed is the one whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Matthew 6:15- But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. 1 John 1:9- If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.'"

Anna laughed, not in the way she found something funny but because she thought the idea was ridiculous. "I can't forgive him." She wrung her fingers, bitterly, tears falling from her eyes, as she tried to hold the tears in, "Never for as long as I live."

With worry strewn on her face, I became concerned, she had never seen Anna so bitter, so angry. "Who is he?"

"Galand Truthe," she scoffed before sob tore through the night air, so much anger and so much pain. "The only thing true about him is that he takes what he wants, by force if he was to."

When she said it, I saw her crumble, reliving the nightmare of a memory. Her suffering was a stuffed animal made from shards of glass, the tighter she squeezed it, the deeper it cut. My heart sank, I swallowed hard and remembered the guy that stared into my soul on that soccer field. The recording, the flowers, the messages. Was I means to an end, was he trying to isolate Anna? And if he was, what was he willing to do to achieve that? A shiver ran down my spine.

To be continued...