What Once Was | ONC 2023

Chapter 9

Eric and I met when I moved to Richmond in high school. We kind of hit it off and out I fit right on into his friend group. One of the girls became my best friend, though we drifted apart once we got into college. The three of us got into the same school, not wanting to leave each other behind. Like I said, though, she got caught up in a new friend group, I got a boyfriend, and we just drifted.

That kind of left me and Eric as each other's only friends. Which, like I said, wasn't a bad thing. In the whole time I'd known him, though, I hadn't seen him get excited over much. He was the stoic one of the group.

The way he lit up when I said I want to give it a try was beyond anything I had ever seen on him. 

"Are you serious?" he asked. 

"Yes." After blinking a few times, letting my words sink in and register, he started to lean closer. I put my hand on his chest to stop him. "I want to lay down a few rules. First of all, I only want to hold hands. I'm not ready for anything else. Second, I don't want to do anything at school. I want to settle into this a little bit before letting people know."

He looked at me for a moment before nodding and pulling back. His hand found mine and laced our fingers together. We sat there for a long while, just holding hands as we took in the pleasant night air. I was sure he was basking in the knowledge he finally landed me, but I was trying to figure out if I was crazy or if I was sane. I wasn't entirely sure at this point.

What I did know was that I liked this. It was a quiet moment in the midst of uncertainty. How would this end? Where would this lead? I didn't have any of the answers, and he didn't either, but it was still a moment that warmed my heart, though I wasn't sure why. 

The next morning, I was nervous. How was Eric going to act? Was he going to respect the distance I set? I stared at myself as I sat my hairbrush down. How was this day going to turn out? 

I went to school and found Eric waiting for me. It wasn't out of the ordinary, but he'd never been at the gate before. I stopped near him. "Hey," he said. Everything about him was normal. I relaxed when I realized that we were the same as we've always been. 

"Hey. How are you this morning?"

"Great. Got a little bit of good news last night and it's put me in a good mood." He turned as I blushed a little bit and we walked together through the gates and towards my first class. We chatted about nothing like we normally did. It felt like everything was the same. I appreciated that.

The week progressed, and he did as I'd asked. I was impressed. It was a lot I was asking of him to keep it under wraps at school, I knew. Especially when his best friend was asking why he was acting happier than usual. He said that he had a girlfriend and would tell him when she was ready.

Surprisingly for me, I felt a small stab over it. I was thankful he was keeping it lowkey, but at the same time, it felt bad. Like I was some dirty secret he needed to keep quiet. 

I didn't like it.

A month passed, and I surprised him. We met up as usual in front of the gates. This time, though, when he started walking me to class, I slipped my hand into his. He laced our fingers together as if it was the most natural thing for him to do. Hardly anyone looked in our direction, but those that did didn't really react. Not even people that graduated with us. 

The less people took notice, the more I relaxed. The only one who reacted the whole day was his best friend. I can't deny I felt a sense of satisfaction when Eric told him we were together. 

Over the next month, I could feel a warmth whenever I looked at Eric. I wasn't sure if it was him radiating it, or if it was me feeling it on my own. The third month came, and the feeling was still growing. I became sure of what I was feeling, but it scared me. Did it always start this soon?