What Once Was | ONC 2023

Chapter 6

After being so pointedly ignored, I wanted to ignore Andy back. I really did. I didn't answer him back for a week when he texted that next morning. He texted again, asking why I was being petty, and I couldn't hold back anymore. 

Me
You're the one that's been ignoring me. I don't think you have any room there to call me out on anything. Not after ignoring me for nearly a month.

Andy
What do you mean? I've been trying to work and earn money. I know you want to get married and it takes money.

Married? I felt my heart skip a beat at the thought, but I gritted my teeth and tried to hold my ground.

Me
There won't be a wedding if you keep on doing this stuff. Ignoring me on purpose isn't what I'd call proposing to me. It's more like pushing me away.

Andy
Since when have you been so needy? You're acting like I've been abusing you or something. We both know I haven't.

Me
We also both know you've never once said you love me even though I say it a lot. Is that what you really want to build a life on? A one-sided feeling? Or are you just trying to fulfill some dream you think I have?

The three dots to show he was responding never popped up. Instead, my phone rang. I picked up and before I could say anything, he spoke. "Why are you so determined to tell me how I feel? I haven't been ignoring you. You haven't been texting me, so don't act like us not talking is only my fault. I think some of the blame falls on you, too."

"Are you joking?" I was barely suppressing my anger. "You're the one that didn't text me for three weeks. You know, last week made nine months we've been dating. Remember the night I came over to your house? Yeah, it was that night."

"Okay, so first of all, I didn't know you came over. Second of all, there's no need to come over. I'm tired. Didn't I tell you that? I'm too tired to have guests over."

"After nine months, is that all I am to you? A guest?"

"What?"

"We've been dating most of a year, Andy. Am I just some random guest to you? Actually, no, don't answer that. I think we both know the answer is yes."

"It's not like that! I never thought of you as someone random."

I took a deep breath and swallowed, bracing myself for the one question that I needed to ask. It was one I shouldn't have to ask. "Do you love me?" 

The line went silent and I felt my heart quietly breaking. When he finally spoke, it only made those cracks spread. "That's not fair, Elise. You know I care about you." I tried to blink back the tears as I listened to his excuses. "We've been dating nine months. I thought you'd know that by now."

"Andy, just answer the question." My voice surprised me by how steady it was. "Are you in love with me?"

It went silent again, and my heart felt like it was crumbling. "I'm not," he said softly into the phone. 

Tears began rolling down my cheeks, dripping onto my lap, but I wasn't sobbing. I was past that point. I simply nodded even though he couldn't see me. "Okay, then. I kind of thought that was the case, but what can I do? I think I'm done trying. Goodbye, Andy." I ended the call in spite of his pleas of don't hang up. 

The house was as silent as the phone call had been. I tried to take a few deep breaths, but they were more like gasps. It took a minute to realize I was sobbing. I let myself feel my feelings and then lay on my bed. I heard my family come home and bump around the house. No one came to my room until it was time for dinner, but I just told them I wasn't hungry.