What Once Was | ONC 2023

Chapter 3

Andy and I had our first official date at a nice little Italian place in the ritzier part of Richmond. The date was nice and he was nothing short of a gentleman. I was completely enamored by the end of it. The highlight to me was that he didn't try to steal a kiss on the first date. 

It felt so right. Being with him felt like I was finding a missing piece I didn't even know wasn't there. We didn't go on another official date, but we saw each other a lot when I went over to see Melissa, who was quickly becoming one of my best friends. 

I still remember the day of our first kiss. The air was cold as we walked from the place we'd just eaten at to the park. The sky was overcast and the clouds looked like it was going to rain at any moment. I hoped it wouldn't, but that was how things usually worked out for me.

We held hands as we walked down the path. There was a small bridge where families gathered for their children to feed ducks on the weekend, and that's where we went. Feeling his hand in mine was sending tingles up my arm. The warmth of his skin seeped into my cold fingers. 

At the apex of the bridge, we stopped and he released my hand to prop his elbows on the railing. "This was the first park I visited when we moved here," Andy said as he looked around. 

I did the same, trying to imagine him, ten years younger, a junior in high school, walking around and maybe kicking rocks. It was adorable. I hadn't seen any pictures of him from before now, but I was pretty sure he was a cutie. There was no way he would have been anything less.

He rubbed his leg against mine and I leaned into him a little. The moment felt so relaxed and calm. "Hey," he said quietly. I turned and found his face next to mine. My heart felt like it was pounding. Was this it? He leaned a little closer and I closed my eyes. It wasn't my first kiss - that was a kiss I wished I could forget - but I was scared and excited like it was.

Fingers lifted my face up gently and lips gently touched mine. A slow heat filled me from the inside out as my heart raced. Our lips moved against each other for a long moment before he pulled away and looked down at me. His gaze was so tender that it felt like a caress. I tried to pull him back in for another kiss, but he didn't let me.

"We should probably head back," he said. "It's probably going to rain."

Disappointed, I let him take my hand and lead me to his car. He had impeccable timing, though - right as we got in, big, fat raindrops began to fall.

 The rain fell hard, the windshield wipers a droning metronome to the music playing. I held his hand and looked over at him. He looked  at me as we came to a stop at a red light. "What?" he asked.

I shook my head. "Nothing." That wasn't true. When we ended the kiss, words tried to bubble up and I needed to say them. I really, really needed to say them. It had been building for the two months we'd been dating. At the next red light, I looked at him again and took a deep breath. "I like you," I said softly. "I like you a lot." Well, liking him wasn't quite true. I'd fallen for him a long time ago, but this felt like the right place to start.

He smiled over at me. "I like you a lot, too." He lifted my hand and placed a gentle kiss on the back. I pulled his hand to me and kissed the back it, too, sealing our confessions.

In the moment, inside our own little world in the middle of a rainstorm, it felt like a seal. Like the words were heavier than what they were and the kiss felt like we were swearing to something. I wanted to believe that we were swearing to the beginning of something lasting a very, very long time. I let myself sink into those thoughts as I looked forward again. 

They were a cozy place at the time, full of white lace and flowers, of moving boxes and sweet words, full of warm emotions and contented happiness. 

I wish I could sink into them again.