Seeing Wings of Green

Chapter 20: A Recorded Sunrise

Light trigger warning for mention of depression and self-termination

How much longer will I be here? I thought dully as I slightly readjusted my position so that was was more comfortable in my blanket nest. I had remained in this very spot under the heat lamp- barely moving- for almost two weeks. How much longer until my wing is completely healed?  When I had broken my right arm on a public playground when I was in elementary school, the affected arm had taken around six weeks to heal and that fact alone was my only basis for my broken wing arm. I had no idea if this body healed faster or slower than a Human body when it came to any injuries suffered. I also missed flying. The feeling of the wind over my scales and through my mane was a lovely sensation; not to mention that my bound wing had grown increasingly itchy and I couldn't do anything about it due to the barrier of the cast.

I also missed the Morning Song. Without it, I had grown tired. I felt like I had no bright spot in my day and food- not even those deliciously sweet Sunberries- no longer interested me. My situation was starting to make me feel hopeless and I knew that depression was setting in pretty quickly and heavily; something that I hadn't had to deal with since leaving the lab. What's a creature with wings who is unable to fly? Worthless. I snorted angrily and nestled myself deeper into my blanket nest just as the familar sound of the doors to the living space opened to allow Brogh to make his way in. I noted the Kymari's presence with a quick side glance his way before I went back to ignoring him. This past week, I simply didn't have the energy or ambition to hiss at the male alien unless he did something that had to do with him directly touching the cage that I was in. The past four days saw Brogh opening the door to my cage (and me hissing at him in response) and then taking a seat on the couch and trying to lure me over to where he sat with the Sunberries like he had done previously.

I regarded the Kymari that currently sat nearby and then I turned my attention to the four Sunburst Berries in the palm of his open hand. Pspspsps, here kitty, kitty. I was starting to really get annoyed with Brogh's determination. You lot sure can be a thorn in the side when you want to be, huh? While that trick of Brogh's had worked on me the first few times, that was no longer the case. There was no more spike of dopamine at the sight of those berries. Yeah, I rather not leave the warmth and safety of my blankets in order to get some tiny berries from the palm of what is basically an Orc. The cons heavily outweighed the pros at this point in time for me. I'd rather jump off of a steep cliff with both of my wings bound.

I had been ignoring both Brogh and the Sunburst Berries for the last three days due to the depression that had set in. And here I was foolishly thinking that becoming depressed was impossible as a Dragonet. Even with Brogh increasing the Sunburst Berry reward from three to four during the past two days, I still didn't feel compelled to move in any way, shape, or form. The last time I had been this depressed was my Junior year of high school. I shuddered as I suddenly recalled the repressed memories from that time in my life.

My parents had a nasty divorce that year after nineteen years of marriage due to my dad being caught cheating- sadly by me by pure chance- for what had turned out to have been months and I had gone crazy as a result. I had to be sent to the Psych Ward in the hospital twice that year (once while heavily impared from forcing myself to drink a ton of hard liquor before attempting) before I had been willingly committed to a ten week live-in program in order to get my therapy and medication properly sorted out. But there was no therapy or certain medications for depressed mini dragons; unless one considered the Morning Song as such. The Morning Song served as both of those things to us Dragonets in a way. I grimiced. A Dragonet without a useable wing can't perform the Morning Song or quickly go where they need to go. The all-too-familiar feeling of useless ness came back to haunt me and a defeated puff of air escaped my nostrils. If something doesn't change- and soon- I'm going to go absolutely mental. Again.