Lost In Lucidity

Social Binds

"It's okay, honey; you don't need to be sorry."

"I'm fine, I promise. I actually really am looking forward to going back. If I can pull my grades back, I'll finish really strong for next year."

"I'm glad to hear that, honey." She says. She looks at me with a smile that I long to see again, then leans over in her chair and kisses the top of my head. "We were all thinking about going out for dinner tomorrow night if that's okay with you? Thought it might be a good change of scenery."

"Yeah, that sounds nice. It's been a while since we all went out together."

Mom chuckles, but there's a certain melancholy to it, "Yeah, it has."

No control over the dream comes to me that night, no matter how much I hope for it. I feel myself rising back to the world of the waking and wrestle hard to cling to the moment. Just a few seconds longer, please... Just a little bit of lucidity so I can stay here. I don't even need to change the memory or say anything different. All I want is to sit here with my mother. However, my pleas are in vain, and the dream quickly gives way to its haziness. The room warps and my mom suddenly vanishes from my side, leaving me alone for a few moments before I wake up.

~

When I step outside in the morning, I'm surprised to see that Val isn't waiting for me, especially given how much time I took lying in bed. I walk over to her house, ready to tease her for being the one to sleep in, but when I knock, and she opens the door for me, I quickly put a lid on it.

"Hey." She says with a feigned smile. "I'm sorry, I meant to call you."

"Valentine!" I hear Mrs. Romero lazily call from deep within the home. The aroma of clean laundry and perfume billows through the opening. Val steps outside and closes the door, hugging herself from the chilled autumn air.

"I'm really sorry, Wes. I don't think I can do much today. I-I'm sorry-"

She doesn't need to tell me why. I step closer and put an arm on her shoulder, "Hey, that's okay, don't worry about it. Are you okay? Is there anything I can do to help?"

Val looked ashamedly at the porch, "No, that's alright, but thank you."

"She's not treating you bad, is she?"

"No, she's fine today." Val quickly dismisses. Before I can get another word in, she smiles, "Don't you worry about me, Wes; I'll be fine. I'll text you later if I can slip away, okay?"

The thought of spending the day alone feels like a kick to the gut, but for Val's sake, I suck it up, "Alright, yeah. Just call if you need anything."

"Mhmm. Will do." She says, opening the door and slipping back inside, "Bye, Wes."

The door shuts, and I stand there and stare at it for a moment, unsure of what to do. It's not the first time Val's been occupied; it happens often, especially on our days inside the walls. But now that those days would be every day, I didn't know how to keep busy. Usually, I would work on fixing the helmets or prepping supplies, but there wasn't exactly the need now. And my bandage didn't need to be changed again till tomorrow.

'Mrs. Bauer has our jacket. We can go get it from her.'

'Then we'd have to talk to her.'

'Okay? And?'

'I don't want to.'

'Well, what else are we going to do all day?'

With a heavy sigh, I head back for the sidewalk and start for Mrs. Bauer's house.

I quickly regret the rashness of my decision, as I forget that Mrs. Bauer often sits in her living room, which means she can see me coming before I have the chance to change my mind. I hit the edge of her lawn and am about to keep walking when the door opens.