Penalty Love

Stop Being A Baby

I was never a bright and early girl as a child. Somehow, as an adult, I hardly ever found myself sleeping in. This morning in particular, I got up very early and went for a short walk with Pluto. I had spent much time with him lately and decided to go to the park. I came back and took a shower then I made breakfast. By the time I was done, mom had gotten up already. She woke Aunt May up but she went back to sleep. So it was just the two of us at the table.

"Pancakes and eggs?" My mom gasped at the thought of me cooking. "Well, let's see if they have taste."

At that moment, I completely forgot if I added salt or black pepper. I figured that I did when she slowly nodded her head. A signal that it was good. I smiled and took the first bite of my pancakes which honestly were not that bad.

 We had small talk until I remembered that we were supposed to go somewhere today.

"So, where are we going?" I asked, finishing off my food.

She gave me a small smile and as she was about to answer, Aunt May came out of the guest bedroom all dressed up.

"When are we going to the aquarium?" She asked, twirling around in her dress so we could see it.

"Well, I still have to get ready." My mom replied, taking the dishes to the kitchen.

It didn't take long for us to get ready and reach the aquarium. When we got there, a tour guide named Jack took us around the place and introduced us to many animals. After a while, mom and I took a break while Aunt May went to a gift shop nearby. We sat on a bench in front of a large glass window. On the other side, different fishes swam about. Some were colorful and some dull and dark. We sat there for a while in silence until mom broke the silence.

"How are you feeling now?"

"Good." I replied. "Much better than yesterday."

"You know I won't always be here to comfort you when this happens." She said sternly.

"I know that but," before I could finish she cut me off.

"You need to find other ways to restore your happiness in hard times. Someone who you trust."

"Mom, I just broke up with my girlfriend of three years. I'm sorry that I don't want to jump into anything I'll regret." I said, getting a little annoyed.

"I never said go on tinder and 100 blind dates. I said put your trust into someone. A friend, a partner, just someone who can talk back to you." She sounded just as annoyed as I was."

I knew, in the back of my mind, that she was right. I truly only had my mom that knew everything I had ever been through. Not even Morgan knew it all, she knew the most out of everyone else though. I never saw myself letting her in fully as she never seemed capable of handling it.

Beth knew some of it, and she wanted to know more but again, I'd never want anyone to feel the need that they had to help me. Morgan used to say that she felt obligated since I trusted her enough to tell her. Whether she meant it in a bad way or not, I felt like a burden. No one likes to feel that way. Overall, isolating my thoughts were the the best and last option. 

"How am I supposed to know if I can trust a person?" I asked but it came out like a whisper. My ex, I didn't even know what to say she did. She was manipulative, a cheater and a liar. My mom didn't know exactly what happened but she had an idea. How was I supposed to just open up to another human being? They were all just selfish. We were all just selfish.

After the aquarium, we went for a walk in a nearby park. Again Aunt May wandered off to an ice cream stand and promised to bring back our favorites. Mom and I, who hadn't talked properly since the aquarium, sat silently around one of the park benches.

"I know you're trying your best." She said, reaching out her hand. "I just need you to be prepared for when I'm not here."

Hearing those words made my heart drop. After losing my dad before I even started high school, my mom had been my only source of survival. I could turn to her for anything, she made me feel happy all the time. Now she was slowly saying I was to find someone to replace her.

I couldn't stop myself from the tears that formed in my eyes. I could never imagine finding someone like that. She saw that I was about to cry and tapped my hands softly.

"Stop being a baby." she whispered and I couldn't help but laugh at her tone. At that point Aunt May came over with three cups of ice cream. Strawberry for my mom, vanilla for her and chocolate for me. Very basic right around the table but it's what we like.

We ate and talked about life, of course Aunt May couldn't stop talking about my love life. She even offered to hook me up with a nice lady from her sewing club. Those conversations continued all the way home, and unbelievable right up until bed. They were leaving tomorrow so I helped them get everything together and cooked a quick meal for us.

"I have a very early day tomorrow, so I'm going to bed." I said getting up from the couch. My mom stopped me before I could go far and held me by my shoulders.

"Remember what we talked about." She said "And I have a good feeling about this Leah."

I was absolutely taken aback by her words. I never talked about Leah and I know I don't talk in my sleep. "You don't know her." I replied, tilting my head.

She laughed and let go of my shoulders. "Mothers know everything."

She walked into her room and I was left there, stunned.