Book One Finale: Desideratum

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A soft 'wait' coming from behind you as you swung your legs off the bed. "Hm?' You looked over your shoulder. "Do you want to sleep with me?" Your snort turned into a chortle, not meaning to be rude, but it still happened. "Toshi, no," You turned halfway, palm resting against the cool sheets. "I mean yes, but no, don't say that."

"Why not? You say it." He rebutted.

"Yeah, but it sounds different."

"It does not."

"It does. Look, 'Toshi, come sleep with me'." You said simply. "That sounds the same." The blonde shrugged. "So when I," You scooted further on to the bed, facing him fully. "When I ask you to come sleep with me, I sound like I'm asking for dick?"

"I know what you mean, if that's what you're asking."

"It's really not!" You chuckled nervously. "Answer the question."

"Can you hit that light?" He pointed at the lamp on the side table closest to you. "Can you answer my question?" You asked while you leaned over, flicking its small, black switch. "I did." He cut his own lamp off and adjusted himself under the covers, his head propped on a bent elbow.

"You did not." You could barely make out his features, the moon's light pouring in from the windows behind him casting a dark shadow. "In what context do people normally use that phrase in?" Dark, but you could still make out the straight face he made with that question.

"Tosh, if I wanted to fuck, you'd know." You clapped.

"I'm aware."

"Don't do that." You sucked your teeth.

"You opened the door."

"Then I'll close it." You pursed your lips and slid under the covers. "Goodnight."

You didn't know how much time had passed, but it felt like ages. It was probably only seconds, but those seconds were enough to make you say "Why are you staring at the back of my head?" with all the annoyance you could muster. "Why are you so far away?" You could almost feel him smirking. "Bro, why don't you go to sleep?" You pushed your head into the pillow, rolling your eyes hard at the movement you felt behind you. "I will." 

An arm wrapped around your waist and pulled, sliding you across the bed and into a warm chest. "I thought you were mad at me." The crown of your head pressed against his chin as you moved to look up. Unable to see him, you settled on the ceiling and the crumbs of his profile you could see in your peripheral. "I'm not." He breathed, your eyes widened. "Really?" You tried not to sound so shocked. "A little." He confessed.

"O...kay. Can we talk about it?" You pushed against him lightly, just enough to lie on your back and look at him. His hand moved from your waist to your arm, running down its length until he took hold of your hand. Pulling it from beneath the sheets and looking it over, his thumb ran over your palm before brushing up and stretching your relaxed fingers. "We already had a talk."

"I'm down for another one." You pressed.

"Feelings for me to handle. It's nothing you can fix."

You said nothing, your lips pressing into a frown. "Life would be too easy if after things were resolved we could go back to feeling the way we did before so quickly after." He breathed. "You think so?" You questioned.

"Didn't you tell me something similar?"

"Did I?"

"When I told you to stay with me."

You took a moment to think, watching over his slow movements, tracing every fold of your hand. "When I was zooted off those meds and protein shakes? Toshi, that was you."

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