Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered

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"Peach."

It was halfway to a groan that you heard coming down the hall. "Yoshi?" You replied, eyes glued to your work laptop as you finished up an email. "Peach?" It was much clearer this time. "Yes?" You turned to see the hero standing just a few feet away from you at the end of the seat, hand scratching at his scalp. "Did you cook something? It smells nice."

"I did." You nodded, sipping from the tea that rested on the kotatsu. "Is there any left?"

"I dunno." You cooed, setting your mug down and going back to your laptop. He hummed. "Can I ask a favor?"

"Are you hungover?" You asked first. "No." The hand that was on his scalp had moved to pinching the bridge of his nose. "Uh huh..." You gave him another glance. "What's the favor, big guy?"

"Could you make me breakfast?"

You snorted. "It's one in the afternoon."

"Lunch, then." He corrected himself.

"I'm sorry, the request you made is for 'spouse'." You put on your best automated system impression, going back to your work.

"Peach..." Yagi sighed.

"Would you like to upgrade? As a reminder, you currently have 'friends premium'."

"Peach, please don't do this."

"I'm sorry, I didn't quite get that. Would you like to upgrade?"

"Yes." He gave in.

"Great! As a reminder, you currently have 'friends premium'. Your current options are as follows: friends with benefits, personal assistant with benefits, sugar baby, significant other, spouse, and life partner. Are you ready to decide?"

"No, I have a question."

"Alright! I can help you with that."

"What comes with 'life partner'?"

"Life partner includes everything from the 'spouse' upgrade without a marriage certificate. You'll also have to manually add me as a beneficiary, since you enjoy running in these streets. Are you ready to decide?"

"Yes."

"Great! What would you like to upgrade to?"

"Life partner."

"Hmm. Unfortunately you haven't known me long enough to secure that upgrade."

"Wooooow, Peach. WoW."

"I'm sorry, I didn't quite get that? Do you still want to upgrade?"

"You're having too much fun with this." He mumbled. "Yes."

"Great! What would you like to upgra-"

"Friends with benefits."

"One moment please." Your head tilted some, eyes still forward. "Alright! Your upgraded relationship should be ready to use in the next 24-36 hours."

"WHAT."

"Is there anything else I can help you with today?"

"Yes."

"Alright! What is it I can help you with?"

"Bypass waiting period."

"Hmm. Unfortunately, your waiting period cannot be bypassed. Is there anything else I can help you with today?"

"Yes."

"Alright! What can I help you with?"

"Bypass waiting period please."

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