THE UNREQUITED LOVE

14.

Then I discovered that I was pregnant and unfortunately, Grandma got to know about it too, that was the most unplanned thing for me, I was too horrified, I was surely not ready for it, I was just an immature adult. I talked with Grandma and Dad about aborting the kid, but Grandma didn't permit me to do so, Dad also told her that I'm not ready for all this but she didn't alter her decision at all, she was too greedy for an heir for her family.

In front of me, Grandma called Taehyung and told him about my pregnancy, I expected or maybe wished for him to speak to me at least to scold me or anything but he didn't even say a single word, he never contacted me regarding that, he ignored me like I never existed... Grandma was so furious at him but I was just shocked, as he rubbed the reality onto my face that I'm no one, and accepted me as nothing but a miserable and helpless woman...

Those attacks started to occur more frequently, the worst case was that I was pregnant, neither I can't take sedatives nor I could handle those hormonal changes that severely affected my mental health, and I was almost close to giving up on myself. But when for the very first time I saw the kids during a healthy checkup, although it was black and white and an almost unrecognizable picture of them in my stomach, something in me said me to be strong.

Although those attacks never go away sometimes I started to get nightmares too instead, but I stayed strong not for myself but for kids. I realized that the kids were nowhere at fault, they deserve to live, explore this cruel world, and feel loved. The last three months of pregnancy were the stormiest days of my life, I never ever I want to experience those days ever. During those days attacks and nightmares were more frequent and I wasn't able to sleep at night mood swings were the main problem, I was used to crying all the time, it was too exhausting...

I still remember the stupid request I made to see Taehyung while going into the labor room, I don't know what I was thinking at that time but that was so stupid of me. Well everyone expected him to come but he never did, that break me down, and I promised myself not to think about him ever, I almost erased him from my mind just as he did with me.

When I held my kids for the very first time, I hugged them close to my heart and cried, I was feeling too adequate but drained at the same time, and I instantly fell in love with both of their innocent faces. Fortunately, Grandma gave me the authority to name them and as I always dreamt of I named my son Eun-woo and daughter, Yuri, both of them were exact copies of each other but Eun-woo was a little weak and thin, the doctor told me that it's normal for twins. 

After almost a month I joined the company and shifted to my own apartment which Grandma bought for me, I started to live independently with my cute little family. Jungkook and Jennie used to come and play with kids, they both love them way too much, Jungkook always loves to spoil them with his love and gifts while Jennie loves to make them smile, I'm so grateful to both of them for everything they did for me.

As the days passed I found a new way to avoid those anxiety attacks and nightmares, I started to overwork myself, which really helps me the most. But everyone started to get worried about me and started to scold me, Jimin forced me to start taking therapy sessions because according to him my current lifestyle was not very healthy, after he convinced me for almost a month I started to attend those sessions, although they never helped me.

When the doctor told me about Eun-woo's condition I was so terrified, I always loved my kids the most and now out of nowhere, the doctor told me that my baby is not healthy and is suffering from a life-threatening disorder. Grandma and I arranged the best doctors for him and try to find out to help him but last only one doctor decided to help us and thought us a solution, of having another baby, that was phenomenal...

Have another baby with a person who doesn't even care about his kids and wife, a person who doesn't know that he has a family... Grandma told me that she will ask him to come back but I didn't believe her, I never imagined him coming back, because he never did, even in the most important times, he never did...

To my astonishment, he did, he came back and that scared me to the death because he will leave again, this time he will not hurt just me but my innocent kids too...

I sighed and decided not to think anything anymore, I don't want to face those attacks again I'm so tired of them right now. I turn around to check whether he was asleep or not, he was laying peacefully facing the ceiling, his eyes were closed and his face was showing just calmness. I nervously scooted closer to him and waved my hand in front of his face to confirm if he really sleeping, but his eyes didn't bulge.

I wave of relief washed through my body, I pull my hand back and suddenly the mole of his nose caught my eyes...

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