THE UNREQUITED LOVE

14.

When Mom told me that Sun-joo sold me to some people, I hoped that Mom would fight against it but that was so foolish of me, she didn't and that broke my heart, she was the only person I loved with my whole heart but in return she let her husband to sold me to some mere strangers just for their own survival, I still can't get over that fact, I wish all of that never happen, neither dad abandoned us nor mom let Soo-jin to sold me...

Mom gave me hope that my life would get better ridiculous of I considered every word of her. Grandma bought me home for the first time, and as far as I know, she bring me here to keep his grandson away from his girlfriend, at that time I felt so pathetic, I never imagined that I would be that useless but guess I was maybe I still am...

When I first met Taehyung, honestly I felt some sparks, maybe because I was just an immature kid then but later when he made it clear that he truly loves his girlfriend, I erased every thought of him from my mind, I accepted my ill fate. I always wanted to have a normal, small, and happy family, unlike mine but it remained a dream, now I have a more messed up family than my own.

Anyway, I have to marry him, like I ever had a choice, at that day my dreams of having a grand fairy wedding with the person whom I love, were crushed down like nothing. On that day I met Taehyung's dad, Jennie, and Jungkook for the very first time, that was the only good thing that happened in a while during that time. 

Dad was worried about me, he tried his best to make me feel easy and comfortable around everybody except his wife, Taehyung's mother, she hated me with her guts just because I'm not as beautiful as Taehyung's girlfriend I still remember her insults when I met her for the first time, I accept that hurt me but I was helpless.

Jennie was so cheerful and like the little sister that I always wanted to have, she really has the ability to lift up anyone's mood, she's just so cheerful nobody can help but feel merry around her. She's three years younger than me but surely was more mature than me at that time, she was the one who helped me teach some basic things, like operating a washing machine, using a microwave, using a smartphone and some more...

A smile crept on my face as I remember Jungkook's face on that day, he was too shy to say hello to me at that time, his ears were too red and he started to hiccup when I asked him a simple question. He's almost the same age as me but he considered me as his noona and I always viewed him as my little brother. Both of us went to college together, and surely I was his senior, but we became best friends, we were and still are inseparable, I regard him as my actual and only family.

The morning after having incidental sex with Taehyung I panicked and ran away from there, I still remember my state of mind that day, I was too vulnerable. I still hate myself for letting that happen, for losing my control, and for just existing... I was afraid of how Taehyung would react, I knew for sure that it was going to be ominous and I wasn't in a condition to face any of his or anyone's wrath.

Just to avoid him with my bloated body I went to college two hours earlier, I knew when I would head back home he'll be gone with his girlfriend forever as he told me. When I reached the college, I instantly locked up myself in the bathroom cubicle and cried my heart out there, I regretted everything at the time, I just wanted to kill myself at that time...

Throughout the day I tried my best to be strong and attend every class with all attention but during break, I lost it all and had my very first panic attack in front of Jungkook. When I woke up I was in the hospital and the very thing I saw was worried Jungkook, thanks to him he didn't inform anyone about it. He introduced me to his friend and now mine too, Jimin, I told both of them everything, everything about my past...

Jimin suggested I go for therapy sessions as I was in the initial state but I ignored it and start taking pills instead, he warned me so many times to limit the amount of those sedatives to which I take. Jungkook, Jimin, and I start to spend more and more time together and everything was going more smoothly than expected, I start to get better...