In the name of love || ONC2023

Chapter 12: Lan Zhan

The man who had called himself Meng Yao accused me of trying to take Wei WuXian by force, against his will, and tried his best to make me accept my misdeed.

I didn't give in to his demands and told him that I was not an uncivilized man and it was in our sect's rules to keep the body and mind clean. 

Eventually, the man gave up and left me with the words, "You will regret it." 

Soon after, my limbs were shackled, and I was taken to a large hall where men dressed in black threw the same accusations at me as Meng Yao had not long ago. As expected, without hearing my side, I was found guilty.

I had always walked alone, so it made sense that I stood alone now. All alone.

From there, I was taken to a place I couldn't describe. I was stripped bare and assaulted with streams of water that bathed me from head to toe. As they took scissors to my hair, chopping it off without finesse, I wondered if I would ever see the man who had disappeared from my world just as fast as he had appeared. 

I felt nothing when they whipped my back till I bled, till the ground beneath me turned red, till the darkness consumed me once again.

The third time I had opened my eyes was to Meng Yao standing in a pool of blood. My blood. After announcing that I was sentenced to die in a bit, he asked me if I had any last requests. 

There was only one thing I had wanted since I had laid eyes on Ah-Xian that morning. It felt like a lifetime ago: being with him, listening to him, his shamelessness, holding him against me and comforting him as he thanked me and fell asleep, him jesting with me and seducing me…the kiss I had stolen from him. I missed him. 

"Take me to Wei WuXian." I had requested with all sincerity lest they refuse me. I was happy when they obliged and escorted me to the one man I would gladly relive the day for, over and over again if it meant I could be with him. 

They had also dressed me up in my robes. I was once again wearing all four of the five layers. The one that was missing was which I had lent to Ah-Xian.  

It had taken us barely the sixteenth part of the day in a metal box driven, I was sure, by dark sorcery to arrive at an establishment where I felt like I fit in. Wading through the sea of white and blue, Meng Yao and I entered a chamber with white walls. Relief flooded me as I watched Ah-Xian slumber like he didn't have a care in the world. It was beautiful. He was beautiful. 

When Meng Yao had moved to wake him, I had stopped him. 

"I will wait for him to wake." I had said, and he had nodded and left us alone shortly after citing that he had business to attend to. I didn't keep time after that. If I could, I would wait for him forever. Alas, my end was near. I wondered if he would think of me when I was no more and hoped they would treat him well. I prayed for his happiness and a life he would be proud of. 

Even so, I couldn't bring myself to wish Wei WuXian to find a man who loved him. I was selfish, after all. I wanted to be the one next to A-Xian. I had never desired anything more and knew I never would; I wanted to be his person, and I wanted him to be mine. 

Alas… 

Not long after, Xian had woken up. He must have felt the dark magic too. It was woven into the very fiber of this world. The only one untouched by its shadow was Ah-Xian. 

I held my peace, lest I startle him, and thought it would be better if he found me instead. I watched as Meng Yao walked over to him, touched him, and fed him lies. 

Anger, disgust, and something new, something I had never felt before, made my chest hurt. I wanted to end Meng Yao. I wanted him gone. I wanted Wei Ying all to myself! 

Wei Ying…

The name acquainted me with flashes of regret, joy, pleasure, and heartbreak. A face, Wei WuXian's face, swam between my mind's eyes. It was him, I was sure of it, but it was him from another time, from another place.

Before I could ponder on it further, Wei WuXian's inky pools found me. A small relieved smile danced at the corners of his lips like he was happy to see me. 

I banished all ugly thoughts; paying no heed to the almost-unbearable pain radiating from my back, I wore my mask of emotionlessness once again.

His eyes bore into mine. A plethora of emotions danced across his beautiful countenance before settling on curiosity. Then, a moment's contemplation later, he enquired, "Are you married?"

I had never felt such a whiplash of emotions. "No," I replied, and the smile playing on A-Xian's lips bloomed. 

"Good." He nodded. "Are you allowed to marry?"

"Yes," I replied, unsure of where he was going with it.

"Great. Are you seeing someone?"

"Apart from you. I can see this man," I glared at the other man, "he calls himself Meng Yao."

"Shit!" He exclaimed and laughed. 

It was music to my ears. I committed it to memory. 

"Lan Zhan," He paused before asking, "I am asking you if you are," contemplating for a moment, he asked, "Are you courting anyone?"

Why did he want to know that? I was absolutely clueless. I shook my head. That seemed to cheer him up some more. 

Pushing Meng Yao out of the way, he approached me and stopped just out of my reach. "Lan Zhan, I am sorry for jesting with you. I was a fool. I hope we can start afresh. Will you-" He stopped and searched for something in my eyes but probably didn't find it. The next moment light ebbed away from his warm pools even though he continued to smile. Then holding his hand out, he asked, "Let's forget everything that happened and be friends. What do you say?"

My eyes dipped down to his outstretched hand before moving back and settling on his face. I caught Meng Yao smirking from where he stood behind Wei WuXian. 

I was a dead man walking. I had no future. There was nothing I could give Wei WuXian except my silence. 

Without a word, I rose to my feet and turned my back to him. Meng Yao was by my side in no time at all. 

If I had Bichen, I would have fought for Ah-Xian. If I had Wangji, I would have protected him. If I had time, I would have loved him. Pity that I didn't have any of them.

I was worthless. 

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Chapter Word Count: 1880
Word Count so far: 24564