Between the lines

Chapter Twelve

A/N - after the next chapter I'm possibly thinking of taking a break whilst I focus on marketing my new book and series that will be on Amazon very soon, I know this may be annoying but I need to find time to do other things, editing and uploading here is just too time consuming currently, I'm really sorry!

Bennett's Pov

Elliot's words rang in my head all night. The way he stared at me when he said them disturbed me, and I couldn't cope with the guilt that was beginning to consume me.

His eyes looked so empty. No, he didn't look tired or sleepy, he just looked genuinely exhausted of my shit. My own father never looked at me like that, with so much...disregard. And it's not that I was taking it personally, it was just starting to dawn on me how much more I could've fucked him up if I'd taken it up by a notch. How that disregard could've extended to everything around him. It could've killed him.

I used to think I hadn't done much harm and was playing around, but it was clear that I couldn't be further from the truth. Knowing my nature, I probably would've used my anger to make it out of my circumstances out of spite. But Elliot didn't get angry. Not because he was soft, but because it was genuinely a waste of time for him.

Instead, he was calculative. He took in the situation around him and worked until his efforts crackled lightning when least expected, loud enough to speak for him. But had he allowed his situation to consume him, he probably would've drowned.

I didn't understand why I would become someone else in front of him. His words were merely a spit, but enough to put out the flames of my incessant need to prod something out of him, leaving nothing but smoke in my wake. I felt deflated.

"I thought I wanted to punish you, but you're not worth that effort."

God, those fucking words were cruel. It didn't make sense. Every action had a reaction, a consequence. Why the fuck wasn't he bothered? Was it a stuck-up attempt at maturity?

I could've never had the kind of resolve and patience. I didn't, and my involvement with Thomas was proof of it. I didn't want to think about him and I, but I couldn't help but compare the circumstances.

Perhaps Elliot falling off the tree was a sign that things needed to change. I should've heeded it. Deep down, I knew something was terribly wrong with the path I was taking. It was the day I'd seen the worst side to Thomas. Him yelling at me and going home was nothing compared to what came later after I returned the phone. Thomas was so angry that he wanted to murder Elliot. I couldn't get him to calm down, but he grabbed me by the collar and shoved me into his bedroom wall.

"If word gets out, I'll kill you both," he'd said. I was kind of terrified then but pushed him away and told him to get a grip on himself. I wanted to tell him that Elliot wouldn't do it. That he was one of us in his preferences but...I didn't trust Thomas.

That was the first red flag, and I didn't take its warning seriously. I always convinced myself to not mention Elliot coming out because it just wasn't my place to tell other people. Elliot didn't look like he meant to say it out loud that night, and the least I could do was respect it after all the trouble he'd been in. It took a while for me to realise I wouldn't tell Thomas even if Elliot was open about it, because there was something inherently off about him as a person.

The day he almost climbed onto Elliot did something to me. I wasn't sure what it was, but it made me rethink every single stupid thing I'd said and done. All the times I thought I was being cocky and smart was just me being an arsehole, and it was getting tiring very quickly.

Besides, Elliot looked so small at that moment. I couldn't be sure if it was the way Thomas's shadow loomed over him, or the way Elliot cowered into a ball, but it caused me to panic and run in between them. I would've never dreamed of laying a hand on Thomas, but I was close to physically fighting him if it meant Elliot wouldn't get hurt. It was then I realised that it wasn't the first time I'd felt that way, but it was definitely the first time I couldn't ignore it. Instead, I chose to ignore the fact that Thomas's first instinct was to get violent when things didn't go his way.