In the name of love || ONC2023

Chapter 8: Lan Zhan

It grew warm, acknowledging my response, and I couldn't help but smile.

Why did I do that? 

I hadn't smiled since… since we: my brother and I, had lost our mother. Why was it coming to me so effortlessly now? My eyes were drawn to the oddly dressed man sleeping blissfully. The man was ignorant of what he was doing to me: body and mind. Inching closer, I moved his short hair out of his eyes. 

High cheekbones that could cut glass, a well-defined nose, and flawless complexion wreaked havoc with the stability of my core and made my heart clench and unclench as if it didn't know if it was ecstatic or terrified to find this creature so close. So very close. 

Without thinking, I moved closer to examine the features; and as if something had possessed me, I pulled him into my arms. 

A calm like I hadn't experienced in a long time embraced me in return, and every moral and ethical standard I had set for myself left my person. This close, with his heart beating next to mine, I was whole.

How was it even possible? 

Then, in an act that broke all codes of conduct I had been brought up to follow, I cupped the unconscious man's face and placed my cold lips on his warm ones. It felt right. It felt good. And I did not want to stop. And I wouldn't have if it wasn't for the rain that broke the spell this man had cast on me.

What was wrong with me, I couldn't tell, but one thing was clear, I was definitely being controlled. There was no way I could be attracted to him or anyone else. I wasn't built for love or to be loved; I was a machine whose sole purpose was to rid the lands of whoever or whatever evil ensnared it.

I eyed the man wearily and summoned Wangji, my seven-stringed guqin. The rain could not soak me more than I already was, so I sat on the ground and played a cleansing tune. Confirming that there were no evil forces anywhere within miles of us, I dismissed the instrument. Then, lifting the man in my arms, I walked to the nearest shelter, a cave, cut into the base of the only landform in my line of sight: a mountain.

An indefinite amount of time later, during which I had undressed the both of us, lest fever grips us, started a fire, drawing energy from my within (a skill taught to men and women who were blessed with a golden core by the heavens), used my belt to create something akin to a clothesline and hung our wet clothes-his as dark as mine were white- on it, I took a look at the resources at my disposal. 

Whatever or whoever was trying to control me wanted to come out as kind and considerate, for the cave was well stocked with food, tea, water, and ale. I had always refrained from drinking, so it was probably left there for my companion. 

Speaking of whom, not wanting to repeat my uncouth behavior from earlier, I had, after ridding him of his strange attire, covered his modesty with the only thing I could find, straw heaps. There were two. Using one to make a bed for him, I had carefully covered his lower half with the rest, hoping he wasn't allergic to it. 

After completing all the tasks I could find that could keep my hands occupied, I began exploring the cave. It seemed familiar, yet, I was sure that in all my travels, I had never set foot in any. 

Mountains were more my thing. I visited them often, for abandoned settlements atop them had a knack for attracting negative energy. 

With nothing to do, a scary proposition, especially with the unconscious man right where I could reach him, I turned my attention to the rations. Having checked the slumbering man's vitals while ridding him of his strange attire, I was sure he would wake up eventually, and when he did, I reckoned that offering him a cup of tea would warm him up and make him more inclined to answer my questions. 

Deciding what needed to be done next, I checked on the status of our clothes. Surprisingly, even with the fire heating the space, most were still soaking wet. I had used this technique multiple times and knew from experience that they should have dried by now.

The doubt that something or someone was responsible for everything happening-within and outside my person- strengthened. 

Why would anyone resort to something so childish!?

Seeing as the beautiful man was still fast asleep, I bid my time and started on the tea. Chamomile's comforting aroma became one with the musty air inside the cave soon after, and my body finally began to relax. 

Just then, I heard it, a moment from somewhere behind me. 

He must have woken up! 

In my haste to confront him, I forgot my naked visage and turned. Only my late mother had seen me like this: bare, and that was when I was two and a half, after which my paternal uncle had taken us, my brother and me, away from her residence. 

The man was more beautiful awake than when he was asleep. His almond eyes, the color of the rarest black jades, met mine and dropped lower. 

I wanted to move away and hide. But my feet were frozen to the ground. My sharpest asset: my mind, stopped guiding me. In nineteen years of my depressing existence, such a misfortune had never befallen me. 

I watched him slowly raise his hand and wave. He parted his cherry lips, and a solitary 'Hi' fell out. 

Words escaped me, and I remained silent. I watched as a range of emotions danced on the man's face; color rose to his cheeks before moving lower and covering his chest. 

I cultivated energy, yet at this moment, I felt my resolve to keep my hands to myself failing. I was aware that if I didn't leave now, I would do something I would regret for the rest of my life. The thought finally returned words to my lips and movement to my limbs. 

Grabbing my underclothes, the only ones close to dying, I folded them neatly and placed them on the only raised surface in the cave before pouring the tea for the man whose mere existence made me question my resolve to stay pure.  

Then, grabbing my outer robes, lest he sees my (shameful) intentions, I hid behind the fabric and left the man to dress and warm himself up.

It was still pouring when I stepped outside, but I didn't care. I needed to get away.

Anywhere was safer than with the lovely creature who had moved my heart merely by existing. Wasn't it?

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Chapter Word Count: 1719
Word Count so far: 15642