Lost in Reality

Chapter 1: Torn

Pain. That's what Loki felt all over his body, mind and heart. He had just been in a gruesome duel with the only person he ever cared for apart from his mother. However, this person, Sylvie, had chosen to follow her mind was blinded by rage which caused her to betray him. His heart ached, but he was not angry on her. He knew exactly how that felt. He realised that must have been what Thor or Frigga felt when he kept stabbing them behind their backs. What was this damned feeling? He had wondered back when he thought she was dead. But now he knew the answer. Something he had never quite felt before - love. Funny, he thought, I did fell for my own variant. But it was not funny, as his heart was shattered. As he ran through the corridors of this damned-Spawn-of-Satan organisation known as the TVA, he tried assuring himself that he totally deserved what Sylvie did. I mean, I promised her that I would stay with her, he argued in his head, And besides, what she did to me is what I did to Mother. And Thor. He had managed to convince himself this, but apart from that, when he tried to warn his best and only friend, Mobius, about Sylvie killing He Who Remains, neither Mobius nor Hunter B-15 seemed to recognise him.

Oh, great. Loki thought, as he had processed everything that had happened. Now no one at the very organisation he used to work knew who he was. As several minutemen began surrounding him, he knew he had to run. He pushed a minuteman back, and stealing his Tempad, Loki made a run for it. As the minutemen chased him, he took a sharp right and then a sharp left through the corridors, confusing the men and giving him a few more seconds. He opened up a random portal and rushed in, but he was in for a shock.

~

She couldn't believe what she had just done. She thought she would feel satisfaction and triumph, because she had gotten her revenge; she had killed the man who had stolen centuries worth of her life. But all she felt was empty and guilty. Her knees went wobbly as she fell onto the ground, and unlike any other time, she burst into tears. Ironic, she thought. She had always reminded herself that crying and emotions are for the weak, but now here she was, feeling the weakest she had ever felt. All her life she had spent centuries running for her life and never really had any chance to have friends, and now when she did have someone who trusted and understood her, she became a traitor. She smiled to herself grimly, recalling those memories with him.

Sylvie: This isn't about you.
Loki: A few questions.
Sylvie: Have you really got nothing else better to do?
Loki: Rude.
*
Loki: Remember, violence is no substitute for diplomacy and guile.
Sylvie (chuckling): Which one was that? Diplomacy or-
Loki: Just don't.
*
Loki (drunk but philosophical): Love... Is a dagger. It's a weapon, to be wielded from far away or up close. You can see yourself in it. It's beautiful, until it makes you bleed. And ultimately when you reach for it...
Sylvie (impressed but not showing it): It isn't real?
Loki (proud): Yeah.
Sylvie: Love is an imaginary dagger.
*
Loki (genuinely impressed): You were just a child when the TVA took you in, but you nearly took down the organisation that claims to govern the order of time! You did it on your own; you ran rings around them; you're amazing!
*
Sylvie (on seeing Loki depressed after Mobius' pruning): You okay?
Loki: *nods and sighs*
*
Sylvie: It's not very snuggly.
Loki (laughing): Oh-kay.
Sylvie: Is it a tablecloth?
Loki: No, it's a blanket.
*
Loki: What about you? What will you do when this is all over?
Sylvie (pondering): I don't know.
Loki (gently): Maybe- Maybe we could figure it out? Together...?
Sylvie: Maybe...
*
Loki (crying): All I know... Is I don't wanna hurt you! I don't want a throne. I just... I just want you to be okay.
Sylvie (trying to hide her tears): But I'm not you.

This just made her miserable and lonelier, causing her to weep some more. She had never wept this much, not even when she was a child. Why did it hurt so bad?! She yelled at herself. Maybe... Just maybe... she was more of a Loki than she thought.