I smiled like an idiot at my phone, my face warming up.

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I missed you too. I wish you were here with me. Can you come here?

—-----------------------------

And where is 'here' exactly?

—-----------------------------

In bed with me.

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You're drunk, aren't you?

—-----------------------------

We were rarely ever so openly suggestive. Only occasionally, but my feelings were overwhelming. I didn't care what I said.

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Mayyyyyybe. Do you want me to stop messaging you?

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No, silly. It's pretty amusing, actually. I um... I like hearing that you still want me.

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I'm gonna want you forever. It's just a fact.

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There was a long pause. I stared at my screen, unable to think about anything else. After ten minutes, I started to think she'd fallen asleep. I was disappointed, but also exhausted. I grabbed a new t-shirt and pulled it over my head and climbed back into bed, groaning at the way the room spun around me. I lay on my side and stared out into the dark, trying to clear my head, but then the screen lit up again.

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Even if I don't look the way you imagine?

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My stomach twisted painfully. I'd experienced physical attraction so few times in my life that I couldn't be sure. I was almost certain it wouldn't matter to me. It rarely ever did, but... I couldn't promise it.

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I might not look the way you imagine either.

—-----------------------------

I guess that's true. For the record, I'd be in bed with you if I could be.

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It doesn't really matter what you look like to me, Red. I bet when I see you, you're the most attractive girl I've ever seen.

-----------------------------

I realised my mistake the moment I hit send. I sat upright so quickly I nearly fell from the bed. Fuck, fuck, fuck, kept repeating in my bed. Attractive person, that's what I'd meant to type. My hands shook as I wrote out another email so quickly that autocorrect had to do most of the work.

-------------------------------

Fuck. I didn't mean to type that. It was just a mistake, I'm drunk. I'm sorry.

-------------------------------

I felt sick. I felt so sick I thought I might vomit right there on the floor by my bed. I was so stupid. As the minutes ticked by, and no response came, an overwhelming dread settled over me. I couldn't stop my throat from closing. My chest was aching.
The colossal fuck-up I'd just executed started to really sink in, and I thought maybe that one stupid admission of my assumption might spell the end of us. Then, she replied.

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