Threads of Tapestry

Deal I Wanna Break - Part 4

DEAL I WANNA BREAK
(Part 4)

Infatuation and real love.

Until now, I still get confused by those two.

Every time I feel something for someone, hindi ko masabi kung infatuated lamang ba ako o kung mahal ko na talaga ang isang tao. Siguro dahil kahit na kailangan kong intindihin ay hindi ko magawa.

I don't want to understand 'cause I know it's impossible for me to love someone either. Or I can't even define my feelings for her.

Was it love?

Did I fall in love with Chireth?

-

I met this girl when I was in my third year of college. Ilang buwan bago ko mapagdesisyunan na mag-stop.

Five years ago, we worked at a well-known restaurant as part-timers. Actually, kumpara sa mga fast food chains, mas malaki ang kinikita namin doon as service crews. Dahil na rin siguro sa isang kilalang celebrity chef ang may-ari.

Ayos lang kahit na minsan gabi lang kami nakakapasok dahil sulit naman ang kita.

The only thing that was hard to bear in that workplace were the customers. Dahil na madalas mayayaman, karamihan sa kanila ay masyadong matataas ang tingin sa sarili. Only some of them were still grounded.

They're abusive as fuck.

Kung hindi pagsasalitaan ng kung ano ano kahit na sila ang nagkakamali ng order at mamaliitin ay some of the stupid guys were asking Chi to have a one-night stand!

Fuck, when I heard that, I pulled Chi outside, still holding the tray in her hand. I told her not to keep herself silent and take those insults and forms of disrespect! She's a girl! She's got insulting words, yet she just laughs them off saying, "Ano ba, Ren? 'Yun lang? Hindi naman nila ako kilala, e!" Instead of reporting them.

That night, I grabbed her hand to stop her from walking away and told her that if she couldn't do it, I would. Ayaw niya man or hindi, those people need to learn a lesson.

I told the staff of the restaurant about it, but they said, "Parang iyon lang!". Hindi naman daw kasi ganoon kalalim 'yon at may mga nantitrip lang na mga customer. What the fuck? I was holding my anger at that time, but my body was tight and ready to explode.

Chi warned me about it, though. But I can't help it!

I hope they know they're tolerating plagues in society. Those kinds of people are the reason why justice in this world is not fairly distributed. Because of the privilege. Because of money. Because money is power.

As much as I wanted to fight for Chi, the only way to protect her from our workplace was to watch after her. Alam ko kasi magiging ending ng pagboboses ay pagkatanggal namin sa trabaho. And Chi can't lose her job. I can't lose my job. The job we worked hard for to enter.

At siguro dahil rin sa pagkakasama sa trabaho, at lagi kong pagbabantay sa kanya, we became close to each other. Chi is not an introverted girl. Or maybe she just got comfortable with me. She's loud, but not with everyone.

At least I see that side of her. Lalo na sa tuwing pay day, sa araw kung saan sabay namin i-te-treat ang isa't isa. The place stinks, but at least we suffer together in that place. We shared the pain together so, it hurt a little less.

Aside from Jonathan, Chi became my only friend.

Madalas kasi, lalo na sa university noong nag-aaral pa ako ay intimidated daw sa akin ang ilan especially girls. Or maybe because I was aloof too. I don't make friends that much. It requires attention I can't always give.