Sex & Drugs & Dungeons & Dragons

F1. Loot

"Here he comes," alerted Hope.

The old man re-emerged from the White Hen Pantry. He stopped on the sidewalk and lit a cigarette.

Hope rolled down the window again. "Hey! Over here!"

The man weaved toward the car, cigarette smoke trailing behind him like exhaust from a steam engine. "You kids wanna see a bear?" he repeated, forgetting he'd already asked them.

"No, man, no bear!" insisted Cobi.

"What'd you see in there?" Hope asked, gesturing toward the White Hen Pantry.

"Couple punk kids," the old man spit in disgust. "Went in back to snort cocaine."

"Then they probably won't be out for a while," Griffin speculated.

"So we gonna do this or what?" Tony asked, obviously nervous.

"I don't know, man," Cobi frowned, "this seems like a really bad idea."

"You know who would think it's a great idea?" said Griffin.

"Who?" asked Cobi.

"Lonewolf McCain."

Cobi groaned. "This isn't D&D, dude. You said so yourself."

"Yeah, well, maybe I was wrong," Griffin admitted. "Maybe it's time to stop acting like a bunch of chicken shit pussies and more like our D&D characters."

"Being chicken shits hasn't gotten us anywhere," Tony agreed. "I'd much rather be like Kubla the Conjurer."

"Our D&D characters don't take crap from no one," Hope agreed.

"Don't split the party," Griffin reminded. "Derek needs us."

Cobi continued to stare out the window for a moment. Then he nodded. "Yeah, let's do this."

Hope and the three boys got out of the station wagon and approached the Corvette. Hope held her thin strip of metal–the slim jim–up flush against her arm. "Let the air out of his tires first so he can't chase us."

Cobi followed her advice, crawling around the vehicle, unscrewing the tire caps and applying pressure to the valve stops. The Corvette hissed as it sank down onto its metal rims.

Meanwhile, Hope slipped the strip of metal between the car's window and its door. "If this thing's alarmed," she warned, "we won't have much time."

"Wait," Griffin cautioned, "deflate Conrad's tires too."

Cobi nodded. Hope waited until he was finished. "Ready?" she asked.

"Ready," Griffin confirmed with a nod.

Hope wiggled the slim jim and the lock popped open.

A car alarm immediately started to scream.

"Shut that up!" yelled the old man in sudden panic. "You're gonna wake up the bear!"

Hope and Griffin ignored the old man and dove into the Corvette, ripping open the glove box and rifling through it. "Shit, it's not here."

"Look under the seats."

The old man, eyes wide with fear, stumbled into the White Hen Pantry and tried to figure out a way to lock the door.

Griffin and Hope both flipped over on their heads as they peered under the seats and probed with their hands. "Got it!" announced Griffin as he pulled out a big manila envelope stuffed with rubber-band coils of cash.

Hunter and Conrad appeared at the White Hen Pantry's glass door. They tried to pull it open but it was locked. They pushed the old man to the ground and unbolted the lock.

Griffin and Hope raced across the street to the Dragon Wagon, where Cobi and Tony were already waiting with the engine running.

Hope and Griffin dove into the car just as Hunter and Conrad emerged from the White Hen Pantry. Hunter reached for something in the back of his pants.

Cobi peeled out. As he roared away there was a flash and a bang.

"He's fucking shooting at us!" exclaimed Griffin.

Cobi spun the wheel and the station wagon fish-tailed around a corner. "Are they following us?" he asked.

Hope peered out the back window. "No," she announced. "We're clear."

"We're clear!" yelled Tony in victory.

"Just like Lonewolf McCain!" congratulated Griffin as he squeezed Cobi's shoulder with encouragement.

Cobi nodded with satisfaction. "Just McCain, he's not a lone wolf anymore."

"He never was," said Griffin with a smile.

Then suddenly something huge and brown rushed into the middle of the street in front of the Dragon Wagon. Cobi had to yank the steering wheel to the left to avoid the creature as it stood on hind legs and roared. The Dragon Wagon bounced up onto the sidewalk and smashed into a trashcan before Cobi yanked it back down onto the street. "What the fuck was that?!" Cobi screamed in a panic.

"A bear," replied Tony, staring out the rear window with a huge smile on his face. "A big fucking bear!"