Sex & Drugs & Dungeons & Dragons

DUNGEON LEVEL E: Lost In the Fairy Realm

The Dragon Wagon's tires spun and spit gravel as Cobi pulled into the Hamilton's circular drive. He slammed on the breaks and ran up the steps to the front door. He rang the doorbell, which he could hear chiming like a church bell through the heavy oak door. Then he impatiently bounced up and down on the balls of his feet as he waited for someone to answer.

The heavy door swung silently open on its well-oiled hinges and Derek Senior, cardigan sweater over shirt and tie, stood there with a magazine in one hand and a smoking pipe in the other. "Why are you here?" he asked with narrowed, suspicious eyes.

"I'm Derek's friend, Cobi," Cobi began but Derek Senior interrupted.

"I know who you are."

"Derek's been arrested."

Derek Senior's brows wrinkled in agitation. "Arrested?!"

"Yeah he got in a fight with a kid from school and might've broken a window or something." Cobi took an involuntary step backward. Derek Senior was staring at him like it was his fault. Cobi feared smoke might come out of the intimidating old man's ears any minute.

Then the phone rang. Derek Senior spun on his heels and walked into the library, the corner of which Cobi could still see from the door. Senior picked up the phone. "Hello?"

Derek was on the line, speaking from the prisoner pay phone at the Cook County Police Station. "Hey, Dad, it's Derek. I'm having a bit of a rough night."

Derek's father turned his back to Cobi, but he didn't lower his voice. "Is this true? Were you arrested?"

Derek fidgeted with the phone for a second before replying. "Yeah, but it wasn't really my fault."

"Then whose fault was it?" Derek Senior's anger was obvious in his rising voice.

"This kid from school had a girl locked in a room and was trying to force her to, you know..."

"And you tried to be a hero?" his father accused angrily. "You thought you were a knight in that stupid game you play?"

"No it wasn't like that," Derek protested. "It was just the right thing to do."

"Oh, the right thing to do," Derek Senior mocked. "So this girl, she'll tell the police this boy tried to rape her, and this will all be cleared up, right Junior?"

Derek didn't reply.

"Right, J ?"

"She doesn't want the cops to know," Derek admitted.

Derek Senior nodded. "Of course not. So I guess it wasn't the right thing to do, was it? It was more like the stupid thing to do."

Derek didn't reply. He just stared at his misshapen face in the chrome panel of the payphone.

"This isn't Dungeons & Dragons and you aren't Sir Lancelot," Derek Senior continued. "Chivalry is dead. The sooner you learn that the better."

Derek didn't take his eyes off his weird reflection in the dirty chrome. He just nodded in acceptance. "So are you gonna come get me or what?"

"This time," Derek Senior signed, "I'm gonna let you live with the consequences of your actions."

"What the hell – are you serious?!"

"God knows you never listen to me, maybe some time in jail will finally do you some good."

"Come on we should get out of here."

Cobi glanced over his shoulder to see Sarah standing behind him, sweater buttoned to her neck, arms clasped protectively across her stomach. "I think Derek might need our help," he replied.

"It's his father, dude. We can't help him here."

Cobi glanced back at Derek Senior and nodded. He turned and headed with his sister back to the Dragon Wagon.

Back at the Cook County Police Station, Derek slowly hung up the phone, both shocked and disappointed. "All right, come this way," said one of the fat cops, putting his hand on Derek's shoulder.

"Where we going?" Derek asked, half in a daze.

"Booking," replied the cop. "And then jail."