Sex & Drugs & Dungeons & Dragons

DUNGEON LEVEL D: Drug Pits of the Undercity

Saturday morning Tony's Mom drove him to Church, just like she'd threatened. It was so early their Civic was the only car in the parking lot. As they walked to the wooden church and steeple, Tony took note of the chapel's marquee. Under the permanent sign that declared the location "Skokie Bible Worship" was a sub heading with modular letters currently declaring that "Jesus Made Adam & Eve Not Adam & Steve." Tony had never seen that slogan before and he squinted at it, troubled by the message. "What's that supposed to mean?" he asked his mother.

"It's about the gays," she replied with a frown. And before she could explain further they were greeted at the door by Pastor Collins. "Good morning Mrs. Kim, Tony," he said with a smile and a nod. "Come on in I'd like you to meet someone.

White and in his early forties, Pastor Collins had a youthful energy to him. His blue suit and narrow tie was both conservative and contemporary. "How's school?" he asked as he led them into the Church.

"Okay, I guess," Tony replied.

"Grades still good?"

"He is getting straight A's!" Tony's mother declared proudly.

"Good, good, well at least the Dungeons & Dragons isn't affecting his school work."

"It usually doesn't," warned a second man who had been waiting for them inside in the Church. This man was in his mid to late twenties, but while Pastor Collins felt youthful this new man seemed old. His face was pockmarked, and his dirty blonde hair looked like he hadn't combed it in weeks. His brown suit was as rumpled and he wore an antiquated bow tie. He was an unattractive man, but his hazel eyes were wide and captivating. "In fact, most of its victims are honor students."

Tony was slightly taken aback by the man. He felt like he'd seen him before, but he couldn't place exactly where. And despite the man's righteous smile he felt threatening. "Who are you?" Tony asked.

"This is Dr. Ted Buford," Pastor Collins introduced. "He's a representative of B.A.D.D."

"What's Badd?" Tony wondered.

"Bothered about Dungeons & Dragons," Buford explained. "I was just like you, Tony," he continued, leaning against one of the Church pews. "I was obsessed with that game."

"Oh yeah?" replied Tony, willing to give a fellow gamer the benefit of the doubt.

"Dr. Buford has helped a lot of our members," Pastor Collins explained, "not just with Dungeons & Dragons, but with heavy metal music, drugs, homosexuality..."

"Believe me, I know how it makes you feel," Buford continued, "it made me feel powerful. And the more I played the more I wanted to get away from the real world."

"Real world's cool too," Tony countered.

"Not as exciting as the game, though, is it? Like me? I was a fifteenth-level Dungeon Master. I had access to every spell in the book. Can't get more exciting than that."

Tony groaned inwardly. Dungeon Masters didn't have levels, and they didn't need "access" to spells because they could do whatever they wanted. This guy had obviously never really played Dungeons & Dragons.

"What kind of doctor are you?" Tony challenged.

"I'm a psychologist." Tony could swear he was lying.

"Yeah? Where'd you get your degree?"

"I studied under Dr. Thomas Radecki," he said. "But that's not important. What's important is that you realize how dangerous Dungeons & Dragons really is. How addictive it can be. It's like a drug, isn't it Tony?"