Sinners' Kingdom #1: The Book of Lust (Complete)

53

This would change when the Shard issue was resolved, though, right? That was what I should be planning for. Getting rid of Mammon first by convincing him to give up the Shard and the weird connection with Lust that it gave him, and making him go far, far away. Then only Lust would remain, and I'd figure him out next. Divide and conquer.

My core throbbed when scorching memories of Lust's roaming hands and Mammon's hungry mouth flashed through my mind. With a sharp exhale, I banished them for the hundredth time. Stop it. You're better than this. Stop it.

What I should be thinking about was how Mammon had been quietly lurking nearby all this time. Slow humiliation burned through me, and not even the secretly gratifying kind that swept me when I was at a demon's carnal mercy, either. It was the kind of humiliation that made me feel sick and dark and low, like I was eight years and old and surrounded by giggling, whispering kids at the bus stop again. I didn't miss this feeling. At all.

Well, never let it be said that I rolled over and died an easy target. A wry smile twisted my lips as I slowed my scrubbing, but pressed deeper against the tender underside of my forearm, making every abrasion burn. Steady. Rock solid. Make a stand, at least on principle.

"From now on, I want privacy when I ask for it," I said loudly. My voice was level and clear, not loud but sufficient to carry the short distance to the shore. I trusted Mammon was close enough that he could hear, too. "You can think of me as a pet or pocket whore all you like. I'm not interested in something pointless like trying to change your mind, but by law of magic, I'm the contract master, and that's my condition."

"Sable..."

I smiled to myself when he trailed off. Nothing to say? "You must be thinking right now that it doesn't matter what my conditions are. Sure. You'd be right. It's all going to end the same way. But the concessions you make for me will decide how cooperative I am from now until then. I can be the most unpleasant pet imaginable. Even a pocket whore can make your life at least a little inconvenient. All I have to do is set my mind to it."

"Sable. No, no—"

"Do not get in the water. Do not come near me right now."

He must have stopped coming towards me. I hoped he did. Please, God. I relaxed when his voice came from only a little closer than before. Miracles upon miracles.

"You're no pet to me," he said, no evidence of any self-satisfied drawl in his voice. He was as close to sounding serious as I'd ever heard him. "I'm yours, love. One day, I'll give you the world."

"Not a pet?" I turned slightly in the water and looked back over my shoulder as if I could see him. A faint flicker of dark yellow danced in my vision. Was that supposed to be him? "Okay. So you don't have a problem letting me go, right? Once we get back, all safe and sound."

"Letting you go?"

"Releasing me," I clarified. "No more contract. No more bonds. You drop me off wherever and we go our separate ways."

"... You are the contract master, Sable. You propositioned me, and I accepted. I have no choice in the matter."

"Don't act like you don't know what I'd do about that the first opportunity I get," I said swiftly. "Answer the question. If I relinquished my rights and tried to terminate the contract, right now. Would you let me? And if you did, would you leave me alone? Or would you just grab me and fuck the free will out of me until I become another hollow thrall drooling all over myself?"

"Sable—"

"Just answer me. Would you let me terminate the contract? Would you let me live my life after? Yes or no?"

I waited.

He didn't answer.

I let myself take it in for a moment, the thick, muted disappointment that seeped into my chest. What was that? What was this feeling wrapping around my heart like a brutal fist and squeezing it until it was all I could do to stay standing?

My love, he called me. Like he knew what love even was. But... why had a part of me wanted to believe it for even a second, that he was capable? I never even realized that single grain of hope existed until now, when it ground out and turned to dust.

My love, he kept saying. I'd heard it so many times, I must have started wanting to believe him.

But this was what he wanted, not my freedom. In name, the contract still granted me master's rights — for now — but in function, I was the captive. I had the tiger by its tail, and the moment I let go, I was done for. But still that favored him, and he knew it. He knew that I knew it.

After all, once I was enthralled, it was only a matter of taking the contract master's rights for himself. By then, I'd be sitting at his feet and panting happily while he scratched me behind the ear. I would forget everything but the empty bliss of being nothing but a pocket for him to dump his come into whenever he felt like it.

Say yes, said a small voice inside me. If you love me, say yes.

I might even forgive him. We'd gone through a fair bit together, hadn't we? Admittedly, it was all his fault, but at least because of him, I — I don't know, I got a chance to visit a gorgeous temple in the Kunlun Mountains, I found out my mother was even more of a badass than I thought, and, well, at least I could say that my first time having sex was so incredible it broke me a little. Maybe ten years from now once we got over the bad blood, we might even be something close to friends. Reluctantly and ill-advised, sure, but after surviving a slapdash contract arrangement and butting heads nonstop for the last two, three days, it was getting harder and harder to think of him as just some demon, some incubus, anymore. He was a person. He had emotions, purpose, even baggage. Honestly, it was staggering.

So I waited.

And waited.

Say it, I thought. Even if it's just to lie.

But Lust said — nothing.

"Right," I said, throat closing, and turned away. "That's what I thought."