Blooming in the Spring

Chapter 9

We sit together on the porch steps for nearly half an hour. 

He apologizes over and over for my hands, I tell him it's not his fault. I tell him I'm sorry for not listening when he told me he had to get away and he says he would've done the same. Though the awkward sort of distance between us has returned, I am just glad he's letting me sit so close to him at all. The fears of him leaving me forever, which have consumed my heart and mind for three days straight, have dwindled some and the spring air suddenly feels lighter and warmer, and even the sun has decided to peek out behind the clouds. 

"Peeta?" I ask, breaking the silence that has hung over us. 

He looks at me, though I can tell his mind is elsewhere. I can see in his eyes how badly he feels about all of this, how unsure he is that I'm even sitting here with him now. I decide asking to go back to my house probably wouldn't go over so well. Besides, it's beginning to look like a beautiful day out, and wasting weather like this would be a shame. 

"What if we do something different today?" I say, watching his eyes carefully. He doesn't say anything so I continue on, "I thought maybe we could take a walk. I know you don't like the woods much but I know a spot not far from the tree line."

I see him hesitate and he opens his mouth, ready to fire back in decline. He falters though and I know he's probably craving fresh air as much as I am. It's been a hard transition into spring, what with the cooler temperatures, and being alone all day in our stuffy houses that we're still not entirely familiar with makes things even more difficult. 

"How far?" he asks and I feel a flitter of hope in my chest that he's even considering. I honestly thought he'd shut me down immediately. 

"Not very," I say, though I know we'll have to go the long way to get there. I can't make myself go my usual way into the woods anymore, as seeing the meadow which has turned into a mass grave for my district's people is enough to make me break down in sobs. I can't imagine the kind of awful memories it would bring up for Peeta, seeing as though the burnt remains of his family likely reside there. No, we'll have to go in the opposite direction through the Victor's Village and behind the old mines. 

Still, Peeta looks at me unconvinced.

"I know the woods better than anyone," I continue on in my argument. "If something were to happen, I'd be able to get help. Like I said, it's not deep into the forest."

"And if I lost control? If I try to hurt you?" he asks, his voice breaking. 

"Then I climb a tree before you can," I say, with a hint of a smile. This brings out what I think is a glimmer of a smile in Peeta too and it must convince him well enough because he looks at his hands in contemplation and nods. 

"Okay," he says. "But we should let Haymitch know."

Peeta returns back into the house to put together bread and cheese in a picnic basket for us, despite me telling him that it's really not a long trip. Still, he insists so I go to tell Haymitch. I don't particularly want to and it feels silly because it's just a walk but I know Peeta would be upset if I didn't. 

However, Haymitch is unsurprisingly passed out on the couch. Figures. 

"So much for checking up on him, Haymitch," I grumble, making a mental note to scold him later. I do feel for him a little. I think back to what he said a few days ago, about how he's still trying to protect us. Will he always feel the burden of our lives? Even though the Games are over for good, I imagine he still feels like he's our mentor. Maybe he always will. I suppose it's me and Peeta's job to take care of Haymitch too. After all, the three of us are all we've got.