They Bring Heaven To Me

Chapter Twenty-Seven

"Hey, baby, you okay?" Was the first thing my mother said to me the next day.

"Why didn't you tell me dad was here?" Was my reply.

She was standing behind the island, her mug in her hands as she furrowed her eyebrows, "It was supposed to be a surprise, why are you asking?"

I shook my head as I waved it off, pulling out a chair at the table before slumping in it, "Nothing, I was just wondering."

"Oh, okay. Maybe you want to tell me what yesterday was about?" When I didn't answer, I heard her come closer. "I'm your mom, you can tell me anything. I won't judge."

I looked at her from the corner of my eye, "Dad didn't tell you?"

Her lips pursed ever so slightly as her eyes looked off to the side- she does it every time she's bitter, and yet her voice didn't give her away a bit. "No. All he said was that it wasn't his place to share, that you had to fix it yourself and there was nothing either of us could do to help you."

I sighed. The fact that he knows what happened and not her is probably eating her alive. I looked up at her. She had situated herself in the chair across from me. "I'll tell you, but please don't interrupt or I might not be able to finish. Do you remember the neighbors that moved in a couple months ago?" She nodded. My shoulders sagged as I looked out the window above the sink. I'll probably regret telling her... but I need my mom right now.

...

When I finished, she was staring into her mug. The coffee had long ago gone cold, but her hands held it like she was trying to warm her fingers. The lapse of silence broke when she looked up at me with a look I've only seen a handful of times. She looked at me with a softness she'd always been too busy to show me. She released her cup and took my hands in her grasp, rubbing her thumbs against the back of my wrists, "I love you, and there is nothing you can do to change that. I can't fix this for you, but I can be here for you. Everything probably feels like hell, and it probably hurts like hell, but I'll be your safe zone. I'm here for you, okay?"

My voice was thick with emotion as I reached out for her, "Mom!"

"Baby." Her eyes softened as she stood up.

The moment her arms wrapped around my shoulders and mine wrapped around her waist, I became a blubbering mess. Sob after sob she held me, rocking us softly while lightly scratching my back. I clung to her as if she was my life-line. Like Rose clung to Jack. Like green on grass. Like a child clung to their mother after scraping their leg....

When my tears calmed and my breathing was mostly caught, I looked up at her, "I wanna go to that college."

She sighed as she moved some of my hair off my face, "I don't think right now's a good time to be making any decisions like-"

"-I can't stay here." I shook my head, "I'll work hard, and I promise I'll focus solely on my studies. I won't party, I won't do drugs, I won't drink, if you give me a curfew, I'll follow it. Please, please! I can't be here."

Her eyes squeezed shut for a moment, then her shoulders dropped before she opened them and looked down at me. "There's just barely a month left before the deadline, but if you think you can do it, then I'll allow you to."

"Thank you, I love you!" I squeezed her and smiled for the first time since early yesterday. "I won't let you down, I promise."

She smiled softly at me before letting me go, "I know you won't, but maybe we should get something in your stomach, it's already 3 in the afternoon."

I nodded as I started getting up, "I'll make myself a bowl of cereal."

"You will not!" She gave me a mom look as she spoke, "You will sit your butt back in that chair and wait for me to make you something proper to eat. If you're serious about going to that college then you won't neglect your stomach and you'll eat properly or I won't let you go."

"Yes, ma'am." I gave a small smile, but it quickly faded when she turned away. Everything replayed in my head, as if on a torturous loop meant to cause me endless guilt, shame, and agony. I gripped my chest as I laid my head on the table, unable to stop the quiet tears that streaked my already tear stained cheeks.

I knew it was always gonna come out, but not like this. It was then that the conversation I had with Nathen when we were hungover in Denny's started playing.

His eyebrows furrowed, "So they don't know who you are.. and you're not gonna tell them?"

I glanced off to the side, "I'm not not gonna tell them."

He sighed, crossing his arms as he leaned back in his seat, "I'm not gonna push you, but I hope you know that lying is the worst way to mend a friendship and I strongly disapprove of your choice to."

"Yeah, you and three other parents." I leaned my cheek against my fist.

"Wait- their parents know? And they didn't tell their children?"

I shrugged, "Gabriel's parent's know- they said they won't say anything, but if any of them ask any question remotely close to who I really am, then they're telling. Victor's mom on the other hand.." I grimaced, "She's scary."

He scoffed, "I'd imagine, out of all of them Victor seemed to take it the hardest. At one point he didn't come to school for a week- it made me worry I'd be like that if I fell in love." He smiled, "Then I realized I'd be lucky to find someone that meant that much to me."

"I'm gonna tell them, but something always happens when I feel like it's the right time."

He scoffed, sipping at his mug, "Excuses, excuses. If you really wanted to tell them you would have already." He smacked his lips after setting the mug down, "So, what's your endgame here?"

My eyebrows scrunched, "What do you mean?"

"What's your goal?" He flicked his hand as if saying obviously. "What is it you're trying to get out of being friends with them? The reason why you're lying- besides the fact that you're scared."

I pressed my lips together, staring into my close to empty mug, "I.. I haven't thought about it. I want my best friends back, I know that, but I never- never thought that much ahead."

"You do realize your best friends are no longer there?" I raised my eyebrow, looking up at him. "They've gone through crap and they've changed, the boys you remember are barely there anymore- I mean, sure, they're still there, but not in the way you want them to be. They all have their own issues they deal with and you need to think about if you're willing to accept that. Because if you're not, then you need to leave them alone." I felt like he was staring through my soul. "What you're doing is gonna hurt them, and you need to acknowledge the longer you lie, the worse it's gonna be when the truth comes out."

..I hate how right he was...

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