A Court of Whispers and Song

Chapter 15

I am the rock against which the surf...

"Berdara!"

Gwyn blinked, pulled from her spiraling.

"Are you all right?" Nesta asked, her forehead creased.

Nesta knew what today meant to Gwyn. But did the rest of them? Is that why Cassian joined?

She leaned forward, a curtain of copper hair covering her flushed cheeks. Gods, would it kill them to stop staring?

"I'm fine," she answered with a tight smile, her fingers absently twirling the threads in her lap.

I'm fine. Her mantra during those lost months after the attack. After she pushed herself out of bed. Forced herself to eat. Found her voice. When everything she lost weighed Gwyn down like rocks in her pockets as she waded into a river. Where each I'm fine was a potent lie of stone. Each hollow word added one more rock, dragging to the bottom. Drowning her in grief.

It wasn't until Gwyn mustered the courage to add her name to the sign-up sheet and started training that things slowly changed. Through routine and effort, gaining control of her breath and body. Then one day, those heavy stones became pebbles. Then, one by one, she removed a rock. Now, most days, her head was thankfully above water.

But today? She bore the extra weight. As a reminder. As penance.

While the others chatted, she tied off the end of Lortcia's gift. Done. Gwyn grabbed three more colors to begin anew. A cobalt blue. A slate gray. And a black as dark as midnight.

She loosed a long sigh. Gods. She missed the Shadowsinger.

It had been two long weeks since Azriel took off to parts unknown. Not that she'd been counting. Gwyn missed him. Their outings. His help at training. How Azriel challenged her, and she pushed right back, smirking at her triumph.

She missed him. His hazel eyes. His intensity. The way he tried to hide his smiled and laughs from her—and failed.

The corner of her mouth quirked up.

Cauldon, that beautiful mouth of his. Mother, help her, Gwyn wanted to kiss Azriel. And when the realization sank in, it was like observing a red sky at sunset. Knowing clear skies were in the future. There was hope for a safe journey on calm seas. Hope.

The doors to the various roof decks were open, allowing the sweet floral breeze to sweep through the room. Her gaze locked with the wide doorway to the training deck, as if she could wish him to appear. What she wouldn't give for him to be here, especially today—

Her heart kicked up swiftly.

As if summoned, Azriel strode into the House. The smile on her face slipped as quickly as it had spread. Something was...off with him. Body as taut as a bowstring, hands shoved deep in his pockets, he marched by where their group sat at the dining table.

"Az," Cassian greeted. "Good to see you back." No response. Az kept walking, jaw set tight enough to break teeth. "Well, then."

Gwyn didn't think. Jumping up from the table, her feet moved under their own power, drawn to him until her hand rested upon his back. And just like that—he stopped, his breathing ragged under her palm.

"It's good to see you back, Shadowsinger," she said, voice soft, nervously rolling the shades of blue, gray, and black in her free hand. "Why don't you sit and join us?"

Azriel's shoulders slumped.

"Uh, Gwyn, maybe we should let Az get to where he needs to go," Cassian started before she forged on, not caring if they had an audience.