Into The Blues

Ch 6 Pain

Elsie

Ever thought of dying?

I know this feeling because all I thought every day was to just die. To hell get over with my fucking life.

Well, truthfully it's never an option. Why would it, when you have a fixed day already reserved to die?

The purpose of living is to survive every day. Right?

I woke up every morning in hopes that today would be better. That It will change my damn life.

But it never did. And it breaks me everytime when I realise that. Nothing is going to change.

That's why I did what I have to. 'To break up'

I haven't fully calculated the suffering but it had to come with it.

•~~~~~•

I was standing outside Fishy's soaking in rain, the trickling cold water overpowering my pain to some extent.

I could see Adrian's car parked at a distance. He was inside it, crying.

I watched him as he fiercely slapped the wheel of the car and cried. He was in pain too.

I didn't wait for him to pick me up and just walked away.

And why would he even do it, I am stupid enough even to dream about that.

So I just walked. Hugged myself to find warmth and just walked.

Tears cracked up and was back, the vulnerable me ready to cry.

How could I try to become strong if I am not?

Then as if thunder striked me in a snap. He saw me from the window.

Usually, when our eyes meet, it was impossible to look away and stop the blushing.
But now as I peered into his brown Hazels, I couldn't find myself to breathe.

I saw something that killed me, broke me and shattered me completely.

I saw hate in his eyes.

The bitter hatred in his eyes of what I did to him.

It's a bad dream, Elsie!
But it wasn't.

I couldn't stand it so I ran as fast as I can. I ran away, again. As I always do.

I yelled, Cried, Screamed,
"He hates me, Adrian hates me!" As the pain slowly killed every inch of hope left to live inside Elsie Grey.

I kept on running blindly until something flashed behind my eyes. A flashlight from a car.

My heart dropped. Adrian?

No, It was a black car moving fiercely towards me.

I looked and was too shocked to move. Part of me just wanted it to hit me and end my life of pain.

Looks like nature finally heard my wish.

So I did, what I want to.
I stood there waiting for the car to reach me.

The driver seemed panicked but I was calm or I should say, numb.

The car was about to hit me, then the flashlight blinded me and someone pulled me from behind.

I was thrown away on the wet pavement. I hit my head on the stone. It almost blurred my vision for a second.

I could see just a glint of silver hair and a black jacket.

My head ached, when my vision was cleared. The person was gone.

I was not even sure if there was someone or not.

Whatever that was it just left  with a cold breeze and yet felt warm somehow.

That's strange.

•~~~~~•

"Oh, my dear! What happened to you? Is everything fine?"

"Nothing happened, Mom. I just caught up in rain" I coldly answered my mom.

She was worried to see her daughter drenched up at her footsteps ringing the doorbell at 1:34 am in midnight.

"Come fast, Just look at you. You look frozen". She led me inside and handed me a blanket.

I didn't realise, how cold I was until the blanket surrounded me and my eyes twinkled down the tears at the feeling of warmth.

Not only of the blanket but also of my mother.

"Elsie, what happened, you were at the prom." My mom caressed my face to comfort me, "Anna told me you are coming with Adrian".

At the mention of his name, I could just see the hate in his eyes for me. I lost all the epithet I left and let lose all my pain in my mother's arms.

I couldn't control my tears anymore. Deep inside I know, I shouldn't cry and give her another reason to worry. But for now, I am being selfish.

Isn't it what I always do?
Be selfish.

But for this I am happy. The car may have hit me but if it did, I could never hug my mother.

"My baby, What happened, Why are you crying?". She held me firmly to prevent me from breaking up.

I didn't answer and kept on weeping, I forgot what happened tonight and held my mother close. I never wanted to separate away from her.

I didn't realise until now how much I missed her. Her warm and lovely hug. All I ever wanted is to hug her and cry for hours whenever something bad happened with me.

I never did that, cause I know I cannot make her worry about my silly problems. But today I want to lose it. It's been so long since I have cried in my mother's arms.

"I love you mom, Don't ever leave me".

"I will never, my baby girl never."

In this moment all I know is that Savannah Harison Grey,
The most loving person I can ever deserve in my life is the one I cannot ever imagine to be left without.

What I did to Adrian was wrong. But at least I am happy I set him free.

But my mum I can never let her leave me. Even though how useless her daughter is. She is my mum and she is the only one I have.

My mum's grey eyes were shinning with tears and care for me but I am glad to hug her and let her take away my pain.

And for the first time, I didn't regret it.

At least Adrian can have a better life without me : )

•~~~~~•

Authors Note :

I know I am a stretchy writer, and forgive me for any plot holes and gaps but that how my emotions works.

So, I just go with the flow :)

Complaints or compliments are welcome here.

P.S ~ Nash book XD