Mask | ✓

33

After Nixon finished telling me the true story of Isaiah, the two of us sat downstairs together. The TV played in the background, but I doubted that he was paying any attention because I most definitely wasn't.

My mind kept thinking back to the dead man, and my anger resurfaced. After hearing all that Nixon had told me, I was glad the piece of shit was dead. The only thing I felt bad about was the fact that his sister was in pain.

It was clear that Aria didn't know the whole story of what'd happened, and that was the part that ate at me. Seeing how she was hurting because, in her mind, the person she had seen was her brother. He acted nice to everyone around him, but behind closed doors, he was a devil from hell to his mate.

I glanced over at Nixon, who had long since moved from sitting opposite of me and was now beside me. If he wanted to tell Aria, he would, but I was curious to know why he hadn't.

"Can I ask you something?" Nixon said, his eyes turning to meet mine, and I nodded. "In the spirit of telling the truth and all that shit, can you tell me why you always look so...sad, Tate. It's been less noticing recently, but in the past, you were constantly hurting, and yet, I never knew why."

The question caused me to pause. Why was I sad? Why was I hurting? A small, dry smile took over my face.

"One day, I was at my pack when a rogue entered the territory. The rogue was violent; it acted feral but wasn't quite. So I went down to deal with it, and you know what I found out? The rogue was my mate." I could feel Nixon's eyes on me, so I continued. "Not long after the realization, the rogue passed out and entered a comatose state. No matter what I tried, it wouldn't wake up. You've heard about the feral labs and Alpha Demos, right?" I asked him. Nixon's brows furrowed, but he nodded as well. It was impossible not to know about the horrific events by now. "My pack was involved in those events. We were helping with the rescues. During those rescues, I realized that my mate had been a victim of Alpha Demos'. He'd been subjected to torture and inhumane tests. He was being killed from the inside out. There was no chance he was going to wake up."

I could feel the tears threatening to fall from my eyes. A hand gripped mine, and I turned to Nixon, who was staring at me. I tightened my grip around his hand and continued.

"So I was left to make a decision. I could keep him 'alive' in the pack hospital with machines and hope that one day he would wake up, but he'd be in a lot of pain, and I'd have to watch him suffer, or I could go ahead and spare him that pain and peacefully lay him to rests and fuck, that was the hardest choice I'd ever made. I let him go that day. I couldn't live with myself if he began to hurt me even more because of my selfish actions. There's still a lot we don't know about artificial ferals, and I couldn't put him through that."

"Tatum, I'm sorry," Nixon told me.

I sighed. "That day had been the downfall of everything. My mate was something I'd always dreamed of finding. My parents passed when I was nineteen leaving Reo, my beta, well soon-to-be former, and me alone. After that, some part of me longed for my mate even more out of hope for a family. Instead, that longing ultimately betrayed me. It felt like everyone around me was moving on with their lives and leaving while I was just...stuck and isolated. I don't blame anyone for wanting to enjoy their lives, and I know that it was also partly because of my actions that it ended up this bad, but it hurts. It hurts to watch your past life and the future one you dreamed of crumble in front of you and then be expected just to get back up and pick up the pieces."

Growing up and watching the close bond my father and mother had, I always dreamed of that with my own mate. The moment that dream shattered, I was left aimlessly alone and wondering what the future had in store for me.

I didn't blame my friends or Reo for trying to enjoy their lives—especially after the hell they'd been through—but it did hurt to see. It was like I was watching but never available to get closer.

Then there were the pack's fears. Were we going to collapse? Who would be my heir? What would happen to the Howling Night? Those fears weighed on my mind heavily. I wanted to prove that everything would be just fine, but it was hard when I didn't even completely believe that myself.

"Tate, you spend so much time thinking about everyone else and not enough about yourself. I guess it's something I both like and dislike about you," Nixon smiled. "After spending time with you, it's abundantly obvious just how much you care about your pack and those around you. You're a good person, Tatum Knowles. You helped rescue ferals, welcomed me into your pack when I was in danger, and you still manage to deal with my ass on a daily basis. Don't put yourself down because when I look at you, I see a man who I look up to, respect, and like more than he'll ever know."

The last sentence caused me to turn my head to Nixon. The way he stared at me was completely unfiltered. The raw emotions that shined in his eyes stirred something inside of me.

"Nix..." my words trailed off.

Nixon shook his head. "I know I'm not your mate, and nothing can replace them, but my goal isn't to do that. I just need you to know that I really like y—"

He didn't get the chance to finish before my lips were on his. Nixon responded immediately to the motion and pulled me closer to him. I wasn't sure how long the kiss lasted, but when we pulled away, I stared into his brown eyes and smiled before leaning in again.

I like you.

Those words were the start, but maybe, just maybe, they wouldn't be the end.