Basorexia - J.MAGUIRE

[2.25] new doctor

"How's eating been with everything going on right now?" her new Doctor asked with such a kind and soft voice that Ciara instantly felt safe. It was very much the opposite to how she felt towards Dr.W - a person who simply no longer existed in her life. The first thing Ciara noticed about this Doctor was her eyes - calm, warm and inviting. Her office was homey and the opposite of cold, heavily cluttered and decorated in so many plants and their various watering cans. She instantly felt welcomed and honestly a little over-stimulated as soon as she entered the room, though the overstimulation was soon counteracted by the soft classical music playing in the background that she could focus on. It was as if this woman had looked directly into her brain and knew its goings on and how to help that. Doctor Macgowan enthused to be called by her first name Rosalind, or Rosa for short. And she was the kindest, most understanding doctor that Ciara had ever spoken to - and she had seen many. She did not force answers to questions but instead understood Ciara's silence and could easily interpret them. It also helped that she had an absolutely cracker Scottish accent.

"Fine," Chip responded softly, eyes trained on a dark tartan rug beneath her feet.

She had expected the doctor to push and not take fine for an answer, like W always had. Instead, this Doctor smiled softly, "This is strictly confidential Ciara. No word to your Mam or Dr W."

She looked up from the ground and instantly noted the lack of a notebook on her lap or the pen in hand. She was not taking notes, notes that could be seen by anyone at any time.

I wonder if there's a camera in the room.

"Is that the truth?" Chip frowned discreetly, not quite knowing if she truly trusted her word.

"I can put it in writing if you wish," Rosa nodded with a reassuring smile, settling that rather awkward and untrustworthy feeling in the very bottom of her stomach.

"No. That's okay," Chip sniffled as she crossed her leg over the other, glancing down to the lace on her boot that had somehow become undone. "It's Difficult. It feels like the only thing I can actually control," she whispered, stuffing her hands into her lap to hide the shakiness of them as best as she could.

"When was the last time you ate a full meal, without purging afterward?"

Silence - but for the music falling from the record player in the corner - followed as Ciara truly thought about it. She looked back over the months and all the days, trying to figure out the answer to her question. "I don't know," Chip muttered, shame burning the tips of her ears.

"The last time you ate?"

"...Sunday. Yorkshire pudding and gravy."

"How many calories was that?"

"Two hundred and thirty," she responded instantly, not having to think twice about it as working off those calories had been the only thing on her mind for the past couple of days.

Rosa smiled as Ciara finally looked up from the floor, making a split second of eye contact. "Last time you drank anything but water?"

"Monday evening," Ciara responded softly, the shame and guilt creeping up the back of her neck once again. "Diet coke," she continued, answering the unasked question.

"And what do you do to lose weight?" she asked, slowly but surely completing the list of all the questions she had to ask when meeting a new patient. She was currently in the process of deciding whether Chip would be put onto her regime, if she was in the right space to be helped and if her usual methods would work. If she met a person that she knew could not be helped via her methods, then she would refer them to someone else who could do so. Rosa was not about time wasting and genuinely cared about her patients, it showed clearer than anything else.