JJ Maybank imagines

clean (pt. 2)

I didn't know when my door would be unlocked.
I didn't know if they had forgotten about me.
I couldn't tell the difference between love and hate and why they would do that to me.
Why JJ, of all people, would do that to me.

-day two-

I held the screwdriver in my hand as I took the screws out of my windows. With each screw I felt like freedom was inching its way into my grasp.

After opening all the windows I felt the breeze glide across my skin and a smile tugged at my lips. My phone was repeatedly buzzing on my nightstand so I grabbed it and shut it off. I didn't want to see the missed calls or messages.

Continuing on with making my room feel like mine again I unscrewed the doorknob and turned it around. Now I had the choice when it would be locked and unlocked. Something about that brought me relief.

-day three-

All the furniture in my room was pulled into the middle as the paint roller glided across the walls. I needed something new, something fresh. So I opted for a light blue.

Light blue.

Blue.

JJ Maybanks eyes.

"Focus." I whispered to myself and continued the final wall of paint. This was the first step of many to becoming myself again. I didn't know who I was without the drugs and I was adamant on finding her. I can't wait to relearn myself from a new perspective.

-day four-

I hung the last decoration on my wall and stepped back. New bed set, new paint color, new pictures, new room. I hardly recognized the room I was once trapped in, the body I was once trapped in. Today I changed into something I would've never worn before. A pink crop top with light wash denim shorts, white pumas laced to my feet.

My windows haven't closed since I opened them.
My door hasn't been locked since it was unlocked.

-day five-

I bit onto the back of my hand as I cried in the mirror. My body was shaking as I looked down at the small bag of white powder I had found hidden in the bathroom while I was looking for hair ties. I didn't know what to do.

"Dammit!" I spun around and punched the wall, "Don't do this to me..." My head leaned into my hands and I begged myself not to give in.

Do this for you. You are strong. You've come so far.

"I can do this." I whispered to myself and grabbed the baggie. Hovering it over the toilet I sucked in a deep breath and dropped it, immediately flushing it down the drain.

-day six-

Today was the day I decided I was okay enough to turn my phone back on. I wasn't sure what I'd see once the screen lit up but if I had to guess it would be thousand of unread messages from the pogues.

I was right. As my eyes skimmed each text that came in there was one in particular that caught my eye.

JJ
It's been a week, Y/n. I at least need to know you're okay. I'll be at our spot Friday at 6pm so if you want to talk you know where to find me. I love you more than anything and I am so sorry for what I did. It was fucked up and you were right, I should've listened and done things on your terms. I'm sorry for not holding you but everyone said tough love was the best way to go about it. I shouldn't have listened to them.