JJ Maybank imagines

clean (pt. 2)

TW; small mentions of drugs
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clean: how will y/n react after she's finally clean? will she forgive jj for locking her in her room or hate him?
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JJ and the pogues have kept me locked in my room for a week.

That's seven days by myself.

10,080 minutes of going through withdrawals alone.

604,800 seconds without any form of comfort, maybe I didn't deserve it. I was a drug addict after all.

Following all those seconds and minutes, today was the first day I haven't craved it. The first day I've woken up to an almost refreshed feeling.

I made my way quietly to my bedroom door as the morning sun crept through my window and knocked to see if anyone was on the other side.

"Y/n?" JJ asked. I heard him shuffle around and I almost smiled, then I remember he was the reason I was locked in here like an inmate.

"JJ, I'm ready to come out now." I stated, "I promise I'm okay."

Agonizing silence fell upon us and I waited for his response. Suddenly the door unlocked and opened slowly. When we locked eyes I should've felt the undeniable feeling of love but I didn't. I felt something else, a confusing feeling of anger.

"Hi." He greeted and wrapped me in a hug. I couldn't get my arms to hug him back as I stood frozen in his embrace.

"We should talk." I whispered, placing my hands onto his shoulders and making space between us, "C'mon." I motioned for him to follow behind me and as we walked through the house I saw none of the pogues were here. Probably best for what's about to happen.

JJ sat on the couch and I stood across from him on the other side of the coffee table, "Why'd you do it?" I asked. I began biting at the skin around my thumb nail as I awaited his answer.

"I wanted to help," He began, "and because I love you." Did I love him? After the entire week begging for him to comfort me, could I love him?

"What you did fucking traumatized me, Jay." I scolded and dropped my arms to my sides. He swallowed the lump in his throat in anxiousness, "I needed to do this on my own terms, when I was ready. What I needed was for all of you to support that. Am I perfect? No. Did I lie when I said I was clean before? Yes. But that doesn't give you the right to lock me in my room, bolt my windows shut and treat me like a prisoner."

"Please just listen to me, I—" I stopped him from speaking by holding my hand up. I didn't want to hear why. I didn't want his explanation.

"I can't do this," I lowered my voice and pinched the bridge of my nose. A small sigh left my parted lips and I walked to the front door of my house and opened it, "I need you to go." After he didn't move I spoke again, "JJ, if there is any chance of me ever forgiving you then I need you to go."

"If that's what you want." He looked down and adjusted his hat before standing up and making his way to the door, he paused briefly, "Promise you'll stay clean for me."

"I'm staying clean for myself this time, Maybank." I couldn't get myself to look at him but I felt his eyes burning into me. When I heard his footsteps walk onto my porch I closed and locked the front door behind him.

-day one-

I stood in the shower as the hot water burned my skin. It was an almost comforting type of pain, reminding me that I could still feel something. Being locked in my room made me feel as though I was paralyzed in a sense of anxiety and fear.